


Something I Started, But Will Never End

by solthesun



Category: Haikyuu!!, ハイパープロジェクション演劇「ハイキュー!!」| Hyper Projection Play "Haikyuu!!" RPF
Genre: Aged-Up Characters, Cannibal!Bokuto, College AU, F/M, I'll add more tags as i go, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Stalker!Kuroo, Yandere!Bokuto Koutarou, Yandere!Kuroo Tetsurou, Yandere!Oikawa Tooru, depictions of cannibalism, depictions of violence, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:49:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25762402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solthesun/pseuds/solthesun
Summary: Kuroo and Bokuto fall in love with the same girl, and the two would stop at nothing to have her. Even if it meant starting something that might never end.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Bokuto Koutarou/Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Slight Iwaizumi/Reader, Slight Oikawa/Reader, implied Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei - Relationship, slight Bokuto/Kuroo
Comments: 28
Kudos: 171





	1. couldn't look you in the eye

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! Thank you for reading! I've only written one shots so far, and this is the first time I'm putting up a whole story in ao3 (I'm hoping it's good). This is purely self-indulgent, and I got the idea when I was watching the series YOU, and when I heard the song "Creep", I just thought Kuroo and Bokuto would make such perfect Joe Goldbergs. 
> 
> There are slight depictions of violence in this story (especially cannibalism), so if you're not comfortable, please don't force yourself to read :(
> 
> For those who will read though, thank you very much!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo Tetsurou meets _you_ .

Tetsurou and Kotaro had been friends for years. The two were inseparable and considered as a dynamic duo in volleyball. They were a terrifying bunch, especially when the two had entered the same college with the rest of the monsters of volleyball. Their group had seemed to incinerate most of their opponents in every game. Their duo of offense and defense had other teams quivering, so people began to question— **was there going to be an end to their friendship**?

An end to their friendship would probably mean an end to their synchronization in games. But of course, the _Bros_ , as they are called, were the ever so dynamic duo. Petty fights, big fights, little misunderstandings—they were all just challenges in their friendship. At least that’s what most of their common friends would say. Tetsurou was calm; he was calculating and smart, always so observant and looking at where he can strike with precision. Kotaro was impulsive; but he was witty, he strikes while the iron is hot, and he was strong-willed. Because of that, the two had been so balanced, it was terrifying to be on their bad side.

Oh, but you— ** _you_**.

You were so brilliant, so kind, so… **_beautiful_**. Tetsurou was the first to see you, during that semester. Had he been late for just one minute, he was sure he wouldn’t have seen how beautiful you looked when you first entered the lecture hall. When you walked in the aisle, saying a soft ‘sorry’ to that one student whose leg you bumped, and when you took a seat, beside him. That was usually Kotaro’s seat, but the silver haired male had gone down with the cold, and so there you were.

Lectures were boring, Tetsurou knows that, but you made it less so. You were attentive, yet sneaky—he points out as he looks at you record everything the professor says. It was only the first day of class and you were ready to drown out whatever boring philosophies this man had, just to read your book about— ** _feminism_**. How very fitting.

“Nice book, more interesting than Socrates?” His voice was hushed, obviously not looking for attention, well, except for yours.

You look up at him with a small smile, and he gets lost at that sight of your pretty eyes and pretty, **_pretty_** lips.

“Took the words out of my mouth.”

So you were straight to the point, but also knew how to joke around. Tetsurou pretended to listen to the professor go on and on about the greater well-being of society and ethical systems, while you were reading that book of yours; **Female sexuality and aggression**. Were you just as sexual and aggressive as the themes of that book? You must have caught him looking, because you say;

“It isn’t solely about sensual things, you know?” Your eyes never left the book while you spoke, so Tetsurou kept quiet, urging you to continue. “It’s about how girls, at such a young age, learn to hide their sexualities because it’s perceived as something ‘bad’. So they result to exploring their bodies with their friends in private, because that’s what curious little girls do.”

_‘Have you done that too?’_ Tetsurou mused to himself, but never bothered to say it out loud.

Then the two of you proceed to sit in silence, you reading your book, and Tetsurou thinking about what to say to Kotaro when he sees that someone else had taken his usual seat beside the cat-eyed middle blocker.

***

You liked being alone. Trust me, you do. You preferred your own company than usually being around most people—no, you weren’t a loner. Just introverted. You had your friends, though, but they didn’t go to the same university as you, except for Eun; best friend since high school, ride or die—literally. So while you were reading your newest favorite book, from your newest favorite author, she comes to you; basically running actually, with a grin on her face and her boyish features looking so good under the sun.

“(y/n)! You’re never going to believe what happened today!”

There she goes, talking about her adventure in the sea of students who probably had already crushed on her—both men and women alike. You couldn’t blame them, Eun was an androgynous beauty, looking good in anything she wore. You questioned yourself once when you were in high school, but thank goodness you got over it. Dating friends were never your thing.

As a good friend, of course you listen. She talks with matching expressions that she can never seem to hide. Somehow, Eun was very easy to read because of how open she is with her facial expressions. With simple responses of ‘hm’, ‘okay’, ‘sounds good’, Eun was quick to catch on.

“You seem very interested in your book, and as much as I would **love** to let you hear more about my escapades with the volleyball team, I’m sure you’ll be happy to continue reading your book.” She says, and you know she doesn’t exactly hate it. She respects your personal time.

So she stands, reminds you about your dinner date, and then she was off as she was called by their captain. You smiled as you shook your head, proceeding to read again. Unknown to you, a pair of feline eyes had been looking at you, curious on who that was who had just so bravely planted a kiss on your cheek before they left.

***

Tetsurou wasn’t stalking you, no, he wasn’t. He just so happened to be at the same place at that time. And while you were reading your book in the lawns of the university, he had been in the same area, waiting for Tooru to get out of class so they could both get to Kotaro before the latter had thrown a tantrum about ‘not getting visits’. So while the flirty setter was still in the last minutes of his class, Tetsurou had decided to look at you more. You just looked so peaceful and unbothered by the noise of jocks, flirty giggles, and just the overall vibe of college in the lawn. Tetsurou couldn’t help but wonder, **what was it about you that drew him closer**?

You looked simple, with your bouncy (h/c) hair, smooth (s/c) skin, and very minimalist fashion of a loose silk brown button up tucked in high waist denims. Simple. Tetsurou would have loved to stare at you more, trying to decipher what kind of person you really were, had it not been for Tooru who had suddenly popped up beside him.

“Watcha lookin’ at Tetsu-Chan?”

Of course, again with the silly nickname. If the setter wasn’t one of his close friends, he would have probably planned for locking him in a basement somewhere.

“Nothing, let’s get to Kou before he chews our ass for not visiting him.” Tetsurou was quick to dismiss his thoughts of you.

“Oh, you mean chew **_your_** ass. We all know Bo would **_die_** to get a taste of you.”

Tetsurou knew Tooru was hinting on something, but he brushed it off, ignoring the brunet’s comments. And they left, but of course, not without Tooru’s hazel eyes stealing a glance at your figure, an amused smile on his lips.

_‘Now, this should be fun.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you very much for reading! i'm thinking Oikawa might play a big role in one of the following chapters, i hope i don't forget to write that down. let me know what you think! :>


	2. your skin makes me cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For once in his life, Bokuto Kotaro doesn't mind sharing.

Bokuto Kotaro wasn’t pleased to find out that someone had apparently taken the seat beside his best friend. He was upset the moment he walked inside the usual lecture hall and he sees someone’s hunched form right beside Tetsurou who seemed to be busy with his phone, probably sending him messages. So Kotaro, with a frown on his face, stormed up to their usual seat, and he looks at the hunched form before looking back at Tetsurou, who had finally noticed his presence.

“Kou! Hey!” And Kotaro wanted to smack the shit eating grin the cat-eyed bedhead had.

“Who’s this on my seat, Kuroo?”

And of course, Tetsurou notices how his best friend hadn’t called him with his first name—and the apparent frown he had on his face. Kotaro was possessive. He liked to keep what was his— ** _who_** was his, only to him. Tetsurou knew that all those years they were together. When Keiji was seen talking to someone else, Kotaro would be right at the scene as if he had some primal instinct whenever Keiji was with someone other than him. Which was precisely why he—

“How you feeling, Kou?” Tetsurou was quick to ask, snapping Kotaro out of his little train of thoughts about a familiar bed eyed setter he loved.

The sudden hint of care had taken the two-tone haired ace out his little sad phase. A smile had etched itself on his face as he replied that he was feeling better. He ignores the hunched figure at Tetsurou’s right, and sits on the empty seat on his left. Whoever sat there will have to find someplace else to sit. Seeing his friend was now in a chipper mood, Tetsurou wasted no time to talk about something—their next game and practice, just literally anything to stop Kotaro from noticing the movement right beside him.

But alas, as you moved and stretched your pretty arms up, your pink lips open in a yawn, Kotaro notices you. And then your **_pretty_** eyes look over at him, his melted golden orbs just widening, as if locking on its target. He was going to complain. Kotaro was going to say something along the lines of ‘why are you in my seat’, but thoughts were all thrown out the window when he finally gets a glimpse of your **_beautiful, angelic face._** So much of you reminded Kotaro of _him_ — ** _that pretty setter from high school_**.

You turn your head towards his direction slowly, and little smile forming on your lips as you blinked. Kotaro notes how beautiful your lashes were— ** _goodness, who are you?_**

“Sorry, did I take your seat?”

**_Angelic_**. Your voice had been **_music_** to anyone’s ears. Why hasn’t Tetsurou even said anything about you yet? He wanted to know you more, he wanted to be closer, he **_wanted you_**. The fan’s breeze brushed past your (h/c) locks, and Kotaro gets a whiff of your sweet, **_sweet_** scent. You smelled like what heaven would probably smell like, if ever he was going to heaven—the comfort of lavender and vanilla, the two scents that reminded him so much of what he once called home some years ago.

Instead of answering, he had been silent. His eyes would have told you his answer—he didn’t mind. Not at all. If it meant catching a whiff of your absolutely intoxicating, yet calming scent. Kotaro wouldn’t mind to share for once in his life.

***

Lunch break, again, had been one of the most ‘supposedly’ relaxing things a student would go through. Lunch break was usually spent in the cafeteria, or literally anywhere out of the lecture rooms—the park, for example, where most couples hide under the shade of the big trees to cuddle or make out or do whatever couple-y things they could. You wouldn’t have sat there, if it weren’t for Eun almost dragging you to the shade of the tree after complaining about how hot it was.

“I can’t stand the heat.” She says for the fourth time that day.

You smile at her though. Aware that your friend truly wasn’t fond of the heat. It made her head hotter and her already short fuse of a temper, shorter. So you listened, again, like the good friend that you were, as she continued talking about some guy who had messaged her. You tried not to let your mind drift elsewhere, but who could judge you when the breeze was warm and gentle on your skin? And there you go with your thoughts of wanting to write in your favorite café after classes, but you suddenly see their group.

You’ve heard of them, the famous volleyball varsity boys. They were all from rivalry schools before, but once they all decided to enter the same college, suddenly your university became a powerhouse. People moved out of their way, girls flirted with them, boys tried their best to impress them—but boy do they always look so uninterested. It seemed like they were in their own little world, just talking amongst each other, not minding the stares and glares they’d get from the passersby.

“Oh, aren’t you in the same class as Kuroo and Bokuto?” Eun suddenly asks, already looking at the boys.

“Kuroo and who?” You looked confused for a moment, and it suddenly dawned on you that you never quite got their names. “Oh, so that’s who they are. They sit beside me in Philosophy, but I never got their names.”

Eun nods, but she suddenly tenses. You notice where she’s looking, and you see a brunet stop and smile at Eun. The blue eyed girl had held on to your arm tight, her eyes never removed from the figure of the brunet who was now approaching you.

“(y/n)-chan… We should go…” she says softly, and you note the way her voice shook.

You stood and was about to walk away, when someone had called your name. You turn around and it was the brunet.

“(y/n)-chan, right? Hi! I’m Oikawa Tooru!”

Despite the friendly smile on his face, you can feel Eun tense up and her grip on your arm just became tighter. You looked at your best friend and back at Tooru, a polite smile on your face.

“Yes, do you need something?” You asked straight to the point.

Tooru opens his eyes from his close-eyed smile. There was something sinister lurking behind the brown irises of his, his smile may have looked friendly, but the hostility you were feeling from him was unsettling.

“(y/n), we should go.” Eun whispers, never taking her eyes off Tooru, who had just continued to look at you, as if contemplating what to say.

“If you have nothing to say, my friend and I will leave now, Oikawa-San.”

“Oh you’re so formal, (y/n)cchi! You can call me Tooru.” You were sure he was just pretending to be polite. You knew this type of man, you’ve seen enough of them—hell, **_he_** was one of them.

You were about to speak when Tetsurou and Kotaro joined their friend, Hajime following at the back with a scowl on his face. Tetsurou looks at you and smiles.

“Hey there, we meet again.” He was more laidback. The tension between you and Tooru had slowly diminished when he arrived.

“Indeed. In the most awkward moment, it seems.” You respond, nodding at him.

You notice how Eun had slowly relaxed, her gaze still on Tooru, eyebrows furrowed in dislike. You had never seen your best friend like this. It surprised you, but it also set your nerves racing. There was something off about him, and you knew you had to keep Eun away from him.

“Ah! You’re even prettier up close!” Kotaro says as he steps in front of you— ** _too close_**.

You take a step back in surprise. The silver haired male doesn’t exactly take note of that, perhaps he’s just really kind like that? **_Or maybe he just doesn’t know what personal space is, (y/n)_**. But you have to remind yourself to be kind, at least to them, except for Tooru who gave the bad vibes not only to Eun, but to you as well. So you give Kotaro a smile, just a small one—oh, but how he beams at the sight of that.

“We have to go.” You say politely, not wanting to fight anyone.

“Aw. Eunnie has to go too? Can’t she stay for _just a little bit_?” Tooru asks as you turn around, and you control yourself from saying anything that might hurt his feelings.

“We have some things to discuss for class.” Was all you said before you walked away.

***

Kotaro has never felt that alive for years now. It felt like there was nothing in this world that could stop him at that moment. Your eyes— ** _your eyes_** , oh how beautiful they were. Under the sunlight, you looked like you were sculpted **_just for him_** _._ Everything he had ever wanted, he saw in you. He wanted to taste everything that you had. He wanted to open you, see what was inside, and stitch you back up— ** _just for him_**. He felt his mouth water when he remembered how sweet you smelled, even better when he was closer. He wondered how you would smell when he was pressed up against you. All thoughts have gone haywire now. Everything that ran in his mind was purely **_you_**.

“Goodness, that woman. I swear, I just wanted to talk to Eun.” Tooru says as the three of them walk back to where they had left Kei and Kozume talking by themselves.

“Didn’t you get the hint that she didn’t even want to be around you, Kusoikawa?” Hajime curses, obviously displeased with Tooru’s little scene earlier. “You always follow her around, it’s been years!”

“Iwa-chan, you’d understand if you _actually_ fell in love with someone.” Tooru counters, only to regret it when Hajime hits the back of his head.

“You’re obsessed, dumbass.”

Their voices were drowned out. Kotaro didn’t even notice how Kozume was calling his attention, Tetsurou telling the latter to leave him alone with his thoughts first. Surely it wasn’t only Tetsurou who had noticed the manic look in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter done! I like to think that Bokuto as a yandere would be very unstable, and his moods flip very easily. kudos and comments are appreciated! :>


	3. creep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo Tetsurou knew what kind of people follow girls into their homes-- _**fucking stalkers and him** _.

Tetsurou had tried to convince himself that he was only checking on you solely because of his worry that one of his friends—specifically the one with the manic look every time you were around—would try anything on you. Tetsurou knew what Kotaro was capable of doing. He had seen what his friend had done, and he didn’t want you to be yet another victim to the silver haired male’s unquenchable thirst and undying hunger. **_He was just checking on you._**

That’s what he said two weeks ago when he first followed you home. The cat-eyed bedhead had followed you home after that incident at the university park. He saw the tenacity in Kotaro’s eyes after that brush with you, and he didn’t want his best friend committing the same mistakes he did years ago. Kotaro was supposed to be a changed man— ** _that’s what they agreed on_**. Tetsurou just had to make sure that you were okay, that was all. That was the only reason why he was standing outside your apartment, your shadow could be seen by the window. You were probably with your best friend, the one Tooru had taken a liking to.

‘ _Even your shadow looks beautiful_.’ Tetsurou mused to himself.

It was true. The outline of your body even through the yellow curtains had been a sight that sent all blood running south. Even in that cold night, he was feeling a **_little_** too warm in his hoodie and pants. After making sure that you were indeed okay, he was on his way to his own apartment, knowing what he would do the moment he arrived.

***

It had been weeks and you still can’t shake the feeling that someone had been following you home for the past days. Whenever Eun was around, she tried her best to get your mind off it, and she seemed to do better than she did two days after meeting Tooru. The two of you were neighbors in the apartment complex, and it made you happy that at least someone was there to walk home with you. Your place wasn’t too far from the university, sometimes you’d ride the bus, sometimes you’d walk. You had already told Eun about this feeling of being followed, and she believed you immediately.

“That same thing happened to me, too, (y/n)-chan. It was in high school.” She brings up, and you knew exactly what she was talking about.

She had mentioned it once or twice, that there would be some boys who couldn’t take no for an answer and would follow her home. Eun never explicitly said anything nor gave you names, but you had a feeling it was the brunet you met in the park—Tooru. Eun told you to be careful, **_always_**. To never let your guard down if you were alone. It was fine when you were around her, since you two can laugh and tell jokes, but whenever your best friend went back to her own unit, you always felt like there were a pair of eyes following your every move.

“It’s been days, Eun. I just can’t shake the feeling that there’s someone watching. I can’t even do things I normally do before without having to look behind me twice.” You explained. It was already getting to you, to the point that you haven’t had enough sleep.

“Maybe I should stay over! Jihyun went home already, so I’m good to go back to your unit and bother you.” Eun replied, hoping that her little joke would comfort you.

A frown formed on your lips. You didn’t want to bother your best friend, but you also didn’t want to be alone. Especially not after everything that you’ve been feeling. Having Eun is better than having no one at all.

“Or better yet, we’ll catch whoever that asshole is, and make him confess.”

There she goes, giving the most practical, yet dangerous thing to do. You hadn’t expected less from Eun. Growing up with 3 brothers must be intense, she was lucky though, but sadly not lucky enough to not experience the same thing you were experiencing now. You laughed lightly, feeling better with how straightforward she was with you.

“Eun, we’ll get in trouble.” You say.

“No, **_I’ll_** get in trouble—wait, not really, Seungho’s in the crime division, we don’t have to worry.” She replies, referring to her eldest brother who was working with authorities.

And then you laugh, genuinely this time. It felt lighter now. You had debated whether or not to continuously open it up with Eun, but she had been very understanding with you, and urged you to tell her what you felt every day.

“Eun, we can’t be corrupt like that.”

Both of you walked out of the cafeteria, you completely oblivious to the pair of bronze eyes that had been following your every move.

***

Tetsurou had seen everything by then. He kept reassuring himself that he was just looking out for you. You were a good friend, you really were. You continued to sit beside him during Philosophy—hell, you were still even nice to Kotaro even after he had obviously overstepped your boundaries. Tetsurou was just making sure everything was **_okay._ **That’s why he was in your apartment—okay, he’s definitely just lying to himself. What sane person enters someone else’s apartment without their permission? Tetsurou knew who— ** _fucking stalkers and him._** But he can assure you that he wasn’t a stalker. The guy genuinely liked you, and was simply going out of his way to see to it that you were safe in your own home.

You were a neat freak, both in their own contexts. _Neat_ with how everything was just so orderly in your space, and how it smelled _so much_ like you. Kotaro would lose his mind if he entered this place, who knows what he’d do? But were you a _freak_ too? Tetsurou would soon find out as he sees your laptop on your neatly organized study table. Pens and highlighters in one case, another for your post-its in many different sizes and colors, and a board placed on the wall with various photos of you from when you were younger with Eun, up to the present. He had to be careful not to put anything out of place, otherwise you’ll surely notice.

Tetsurou settles himself on the comfortable seat you have in front of your study table, and proceeds to check your laptop.

“No password?” He says to himself as he manages to just open it. “Good grief, you have to put passwords on your gadgets, babe. How else will you be safe?”

He checks your browser history. It seemed pretty average with the usual back and forth trips from social media to searches on little things. It made Tetsurou chuckle how you’d even google something as trivial as ‘ _how to sew_ ’. You were such an oblivious angel. Next, he goes to your folders, surely there was something there that would prove just what kind of a person you were. He thought it was hard to believe that you were **_that_** perfect. And after a little more tinkling, he finds something.

“ ** _Research_** " it was labelled, and yet the things inside were something even the cat-eyed male didn’t expect.

**“Hiding dead bodies”**

**“Getting away with murder”**

**“Unsolved cases”**

**“Manic: A Walkthrough Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer”**

Usually, people would have weird habits and interests, but Tetsurou didn’t link you to be the one interested in these kinds of things. He made sure to scroll through the different articles—there were at least twenty of them there, but one had caught his attention. It made him bite his tongue.

**_“ The Disappearance of Akaashi Keiji”_**

Memories from high school suddenly flooded his mind again. _What was he going to do about Kotaro this time_?

_‘Oh babe, what have you gotten yourself into. Why’d you have to dig up things that don’t need to be bothered with?’_ Tetsurou groans to himself as he checks an entire folder of articles and theories on that same issue.

He closes the tabs and deletes all traces of him checking your laptop. A shadow loomed on his face as he felt his heart beat faster in excitement. He sees his reflection on your mirror, the same manic look his best friend had was present on his face.

**_“Bo, we found a good one.”_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading chapter 3! I've actually finished all the chapters already, but I'm still re-reading and checking things in case I miss something (or in case my thoughts are all over the place again). I'm slowly building things up for now, so it doesn't seem too rushed. Let me know what you think! :>


	4. i want to have control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsurou and Kotaro are different from the men you've met-- _or so you hoped._

The rainy season had already come upon Tokyo. The skies were dark and pavements always wet with rain and puddles. People still walked about with their daily lives, not bothered by the cold weather and the slight discomfort it actually gives them. Rain and lectures were two things that weren’t supposed to coincide. Lectures felt longer than usual, and the pattering of the rain outside provided much to the ambiance of comfort and warmth inside the lecture hall. You were already regretting staying up late that night, but there were a ton of papers to be written and presentations to be made that you couldn’t just brush them off. You sit in the comfort of your seat, warm and snuggly with your black long sleeve turtle neck and light brown maxi skirt. Usually, you would prefer just sleeping it away, but it was nearing the end of the term and of course your professor would give you **_more_** homework just for that.

“You’ll work in threes, just work with the ones in your row.”

_Oh, great._

You turn to look at Tetsurou and Kotaro who had perked up at what the professor just said. _Were they going to use this as an excuse to go to your place?_ You didn’t want to seem rude, but you didn’t exactly like bringing men into your home—it was your safe space. You weren’t just going to throw that away.

“So, what do you think? We can plan on it now and work on it later.” You say, clearly wanting to get it over with.

“Or, we can just make a group chat and talk about it there.” Tetsurou offered, which didn’t exactly sound bad. _Or did it?_

“Okay, here’s my info, you can add me in.”

You wrote your social media down on a piece of paper and gave it to Tetsurou, which the latter seemed to frown on.

“(s/n)-chan, we don’t live in the 1920s anymore. We have phones where you can put your information in.” Tetsurou teases as he takes his phone out and hands it over to you.

You sighed, before putting your social media account and having him add you as his friend.

“Oh! Oh! Me too, (s/n)-chan! Add me too!” Kotaro perks up as he pushes his phone your way, beaming at you again.

You sighed before nodding your head, knowing it was no use for turning down the man, unless you wanted him to pout at you for the entire day. You give them their phones back and thought quietly. You had wanted to grumble about why your professor had to give you another batch of paper to work on when you already had mountains of them due before and after the break. You didn’t even notice that they were on their phones, Tetsurou probably making the group chat and Kotaro doing who knows what.

“Hey, what do you guys think about working on it this weekend? We have to study for finals the week after that, so it’s good to work on it soon. Right?” You ask as you turn to look at the two of them.

They were preoccupied in their phones, so you cleared your throat and they turned their attention to you.

“Sorry, what was that?” Tetsurou asks, Kotaro leaning on the table as he looked at you.

“I was thinking about working on it this weekend, since we have to focus on finals next week.” You repeat, and the two of them nod in sync.

“Cool, your place then, (s/n)-chan.” Tetsurou was giving you a grin already, Kotaro doing the same thing beside him.

_Since when were the three of you close?_

“My apartment is off limits.” You said in a deadpan manner.

“Well, my apartment is still pretty far.” Tetsurou raises.

“I’m willing to travel.” You counter.

“Oh, you’d do that for me, (s/n)-chan?” he teases, and you slump on the table, mirroring what Kotaro was doing.

The silver haired male shook his head as you looked at him, as if asking him the same question. You sighed. You really didn’t want them going to your house, especially not after the entire ‘being followed home’ fiasco. But maybe having two tall and intimidating guys over at your place would scare your stalker away. _Right?_

***

That’s it, you already regret deciding to bring them to your house. You fetched them in a convenience store near your place, where they had spent minutes buying dozens of snacks and drinks. After that, you made your way to your apartment building. The two of them were asking things casually, mostly getting to know you a bit better, and you did the same thing with them. It was lighter this way, making you forget the fact that one of their friends was a creep. That, you didn’t want to bring up of course, maybe you’ll just tell them to keep him away from Eun.

You arrived in front of your door soon, and you were about to put your key in when you felt the overwhelming presence of the two men behind you. You took a deep breath before facing them.

“Guys, can you please not be so tense? The atmosphere is so tight I can barely breathe.” You say and they look at each other before chuckling.

“Sorry, it’s our first time going to a girl’s house, so we’re not exactly sure what to do. You got some rules you want to give us?” Tetsurou apologizes, which catches you off guard. Not the apology, more on the part where they both have never been to a girl’s house, which was already hard to believe.

“Just don’t make a mess.”

You open the door and walk inside. Your house was neat, everything was placed in the right places, they all had labels, so it was easier for you to remember where you placed them. You make your way to the space you’ve made your living room, since your bedroom was definitely off limits. You sat on the floor, your things already set on the coffee table, and there was a place for them to put their laptops and other materials too.

“I’ll get us some tea.”

“I can help you make!” Kotaro was quick to offer, although he was busy looking around your place just a while ago.

You couldn’t say no so you brought him with you to the kitchen. While you were making the tea, you instructed Kotaro to get some mugs since they were usually in the top shelf. He handed them to you soon and you placed them on a tray. You were about to turn and get some sugar cubes when you bumped into his chest. You looked up to see him grinning at you, and you couldn’t help but feel small.

“Bokuto-San, you’re too close.” You say, hand in front of your chest ready to push him away if he tried anything.

But he didn’t. He took a few steps back and away from you, before apologizing and saying that he was just happy he’d get to spend time with you and Tetsurou. You smiled at him, genuinely, this time. The fear you felt earlier still there, but kept at bay. Kotaro and Tetsurou were nothing like the men you met. _They were different._

***

It had probably been past noon when you decided you should take a break. Surprisingly, the two really took this seriously. Maybe it was because they wanted to stay in the team? Or they just really care about their academics, much like you did. You stretched your arms and covered your mouth as you yawned, before leaning your head against the soft cushion your sofa offered. They were still at it, typing away in their laptops, Kotaro asking Tetsurou about things to be added every once in a while.

“Guys, maybe we should eat. It’s past 1.” You say as you stretched your sore muscles a bit more. Sitting on the floor definitely wasn’t good for your back.

“I could still go at it.” Tetsurou says, eyes never taken away from the screen. Once he’s set on something, it’s hard to pull him out of it.

Kotaro, however, groaned and laid on the floor. “I’m hungry…”

You found that funny, Kotaro was the one who had gobbled up half the snacks he and Tetsurou bought from the _konbini_ , and yet he was still hungry. Well, you guessed that for a man with Kotaro’s physique, he would eat more.

“What do you guys want? I can order take out for us.”

“I want to taste your cooking, (s/n)-chan…” Kotaro says as he lays on his back, his golden eyes looking up at your ceiling.

“It’ll take me a while to whip up something, you said you were hungry.” You respond, as you stood up from your spot.

“Yeah, but fast food is icky and processed and not… fresh.”

You laugh softly as you cross your hands in front of your chest.

“Oh yeah? Says the guy who finished up the chips and soda earlier.”

Kotaro grumbles as he lays his head on Tetsurou’s lap, something you found adorable.

“Yeah, well a guy like me needs to eat fresh food once in a while otherwise I’ll deteriorate.”

You roll your eyes at his comment, and as if sensing it, he wraps his arms around Tetsurou’s torso, another action you didn’t really find odd, but more on the adorable side. You guessed the two of them were really close.

“Tetsu… tell her…” the golden eyed male groaned, his voice muffled as his face was stuffed near Tetsurou’s—

“Okay! I got it!”

You turn on your heel and walked to the kitchen with a red face.

_Of course they weren’t creeps! They were probably dating each other!_ _Maybe they were just very close to each other—_ or maybe your mind was just going at such a crazy rate at the moment because of how hard you had to think for that paper. You began preparing for the three of you; pork cutlets, _rabokki_ , soup, rice, and kimchi, most of which were your comfort food. You usually prepped the food you’d eat, and you were in need of another grocery run soon, anyway.

Minutes later, you finished and brought it back to the living room where you thought they’d be. You were greeted with an empty room, the two of them nowhere in their seats.

_They better not be in— oh, okay. They just used the bathroom._

You set the food down on the dining table, and you called for the two of them. They were casually talking about their game when they sat down. Kotaro was the first to gawk at the food, and Tetsurou had looked like he’d be in tears. You gave them bigger helpings since you thought they’d want to have seconds. You ate in silence for the first few minutes, mostly them gobbling down the food, and you worried that they might choke.

“Guys, slow down. There’s more.” You say as you took a piece of your cutlet.

“You’re a great cook, (s/n)-chan. We should come over your house often!” Tetsurou says as he drinks water.

“Thank you and no thank you, you guys sound like freeloaders.” You respond as you resumed eating.

“Hey, that’s not nice! Tetsu and I work, y’know!” Kotaro shoots back with a full mouth.

“Kou, finish your food first, dude. You’ll choke.”

***

After you ate and went back to finishing what was left of the first part, it was already near the evening. The skies were going to be dark again soon, and with Eun gone, you’ll be spending the night alone again. You like Kotaro and Tetsurou’s company, since they were warm and funny, and very easy to get along with, and it took you away from the fact that someone had been following you.

Tetsurou seemed to have noticed the troubled look on your face, and asks,

“Everything okay, (y/n)?”

In that short span, you’ve allowed both of them to call you by your first name, but you still insisted on calling them with their last. You also noticed how Tetsurou seemed to be very vigilant when it came to your sudden changes in expression, and how Kotaro looked at you every time you’d fidget in your seat when the thoughts come back.

“Yeah, um. It’s getting late. You guys should probably head on home while it’s still not dark.” You say, pushing the thoughts back.

“Oh, I think we should.” Tetsurou agrees, packing up his things.

“The forecast said it’s going to rain again, Tokyo’s going to be so cold when winter comes.” You hear Kotaro grumble about the weather while you look outside and notice the clouds shrouding the beautiful sunset in a dark and gloomy grey.

You walked with them to the _konbini_ despite Kotaro saying you should just stay home instead. You shrugged it off and told them you felt nice in their company, which the two men looked genuinely surprised to hear.

_“You two just make me feel safe, well, as safe as safe can be.”_

Your voice rang in their ears and replayed itself like a broken record. And as you walked back home, suddenly you feel lighter. It didn’t feel like anyone was following you, and you were happy you let the two of them in your house, and somehow— _in your life_. Unknown to you that the two already had their plan working.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for chapter 4! Thank you so much for reading! This chapter is mostly a filler, but there's a purpose for it. I just thought it would be nice to make the reader feel safe with Kuroo and Bokuto before they crush her dreams or something :>


	5. i want you to notice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone had their secrets. Kotaro and Tetsurou were no exception to this. Some secrets get found out, but Tetsurou knew _this_ secret would be kept to their grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// slight depictions of cannibalism

Kotaro had been pacing around his room for days. **_It had been days_**. Or was it? He’s lost count. He goes to university to have practice with the team, then back home he goes. He’s going to go crazy if he doesn’t get to see you again. The break had just started, and he doesn’t even know what to fucking do if he doesn’t get to see you. **_He was going insane_**. That night when you said you had felt safe with him and Tetsurou, he wanted to whisk you off your feet and keep you in his arms forever. If it wasn’t for Tetsurou’s grip on his wrist, he would have done that in no time.

Your voice, your scent, _every fucking thing about you_ was driving Kotaro nuts. He was aggressive in practice, and they knew why. Yesterday’s practice had taken its final toll on Kotaro. Each spike was full of tenacity and aggression that it hurt Yaku’s arms just receiving them. He was scolded by their coach of course, and Kotaro takes the advice even though his mind was drifting elsewhere. Other than volleyball, there were only two things he can do to take his mind off these things— _sex_ _and stalking_. But Kotaro didn’t like either of those if it wasn’t with someone he loved. So he would go for the third, something he kept as his dirty little secret. One that only Tetsurou and him knew about.

_“I’m hungry…”_

***

Tetsurou knew Kotaro’s _hunger_ couldn’t just be satisfied. He had seen it first when he saw how his best friend handled Akaashi’s loss. Kotaro was a mess, and Tetsurou had to clean up after his mess because of that. It didn’t exactly terrify him. He thought he knew Kotaro, but the owl-like man just keeps surprising him— ** _every. Single. Fucking. Time._**

Today was no different. Kotaro was in his room, locked up again. A girl, or whichever unlucky and unknown person was there, was with him. Tetsurou knew that scent— that _rusty, irony, scent_. Tetsurou hated the smell, and he just had to step out until Kotaro was done with his fill. He gives two knocks on the door, a signal that he’d be gone—Kotaro knows, because Tetsurou had done this countless times. And he leaves his friend’s apartment, making sure to turn on the diffuser by the door, and locking the door behind him. It was still rainy in Tokyo, the temperature dropping ever so slightly. Winter was fast approaching. Tetsurou makes his way to his usual spot, a quiet café where he’d get coffee and mostly just use their internet, since it was fast. There weren’t a lot of people around, since it was mostly filled with students, who were now back in their homes for the break. Tetsurou was grateful for the peace and quiet, it was like the world’s gift after witnessing Kotaro’s evident longing and _craving_ for the girl they set their eyes on.

But the gods were kind to Tetsurou, at least as kind as they could be, because there you were, standing in line as you spoke to the male cashier who had looked _too_ enthusiastic just to be talking to you. Tetsurou felt his blood boil, but he remained his cool as he approached the counter, pretending not to see you.

“Oh, sorry!” You apologized as you stepped to the side, giving an apologetic, yet bubbly smile to the cashier.

You didn’t seem to notice Tetsurou being there, either. And some part of him wanted you to know he was there— _right beside you_.

“Iced black coffee, please. And a cream cheese bagel.”

He pretends not to mind you, and finally you do. You notice him, recognizing who he was right at that moment. You perk up, and smile at him, and Tetsurou’s heart melts at the sight.

“Kuroo-san! I didn’t know you lived in the area.” You said, sounding genuinely happy to have bumped into him.

“Actually, it’s Bo who lives around here. I live on the other side.” Tetsurou answers, sounding as cool as he can. When all he wanted to do at that moment was pounce on you and bring you home—or maybe just hold you close.

You nod and hum as a reply. You were about to say something when you and Tetsurou’s orders were called. You thank the barista as you take your drink, and Tetsurou does the same as he takes his.

“Fancy seeing you here, though. You live around here?” Tetsurou strikes up the conversation this time, you both make your way to an empty table by the window.

“My brother does. He moved here recently, so he made me stay with him for the moment.” You explain.

_‘Ah, so you have a brother. How nice.’_ Tetsurou mused to himself.

He continues asking you questions, which you answer with little to no hesitance. It was good he can get to talk to you without you having to be scared around him. Tetsurou gives himself a mental pat on the back as he felt you slowly becoming more and more comfortable around him.

“Where’s your friend, by the way? I usually see you two together.” He asks, referring to the enigmatic blue haired girl, Eun.

“Oh, her brother just arrived back from Korea, so they’re having a little celebration back in Miyagi.”

_‘So you’re from Miyagi.’_

“Which school did you go to before?”

“Karasuno.”

That piqued Tetsurou’s interest. He had friends and acquaintances in Karasuno, Sawamura Daichi being one of them, but how come he never saw you? He was sure that if he met you, he would have noticed you right away. With your charm and light aura, anyone would have noticed you.

“We had several practice matches with Karasuno, how come I never saw you?” Tetsurou asks, raising an eyebrow as he took a sip from his drink, eyes never leaving yours.

“I was mostly focused in academics, always in the classroom, so I never really joined clubs and any of that.”

Tetsurou watches as you smile meekly when you responded, and you tucked your hair behind your ear. It sends his heart racing, and a smile forms on his lips as well. _You were just **so fucking beautiful**_. It hurt to even be this close to you and not hold you. But Tetsurou was grateful to whatever deity was blessing him at that moment, though he wasn’t much of a believer.

The two of you sat in silence as you continued drinking and eating what was left of your food. Tetsurou was happy in that moment, and he had completely forgotten the buff owl like man who had been devouring his last meal for that day.

***

Tetsurou comes home with a smile on his lips, and a recharged soul after that short meeting with you. It felt like he was walking on cloud nine at that moment; he felt light and airy, and the weight on his shoulders suddenly felt lighter. He unlocks the door to his apartment, thinking he can relax and probably think of what wonders he can do to you, when he was suddenly tackled to the floor by a fuming Kotaro.

“ ** _YOU SAID WE WERE IN THIS TOGETHER, KUROO! YOU FUCKING SAID WE WERE IN THIS TOGETHER!”_**

The bedhead hasn’t even processed what had happened when Kotaro gripped his collar and straddled his waist. Between the two of them, Kotaro was slightly shorter, but what he lacked in height, he definitely made up for with his muscles and strength. His hands gripped Tetsurou’s neck, the taller one of the two suddenly felt panic course through his veins, but he remained his cool.

“You said we’d share, Kuroo… **_YOU FUCKING SAID WE’D SHARE!_** ”

Now he gets it. This was about you. What had he done this time that flipped Kotaro’s switch? Had he seen Tetsurou’s abundance of files in his laptop with your photos and logs of your daily activities? Perhaps he had seen the cameras Tetsurou placed in different parts of your apartment, but then again he was in on that one. Then it dawned on him— _Kotaro must have seen the two of you together._

“I was there… I was outside while you were in that fucking shop flirting with her… you fucking liar. **_KUROO YOU’RE A FUCKING LIAR!_** ” Kotaro had yelled in anger, his face red, and the grip on Tetsurou’s neck was beginning to really alarm the male.

“Ko, I didn’t do anything with her. I was just asking her things, I know you’d want to hear stories about her, so I did.” Tetsurou said, keeping his voice calm and steady while noting how Kotaro’s chokehold on his neck had become tighter.

Tetsurou knew how to play Kotaro’s buttons, and he had to be careful in times like this, because he knew Kotaro would snap his neck with just enough strength. He knew Kotaro wouldn’t even feel bad if he did that, knowing that Tetsurou “flirted” with the person they were supposed to be sharing. Tetsurou also knew that Kotaro was extremely against people lying to him, even though he didn’t really lie to the latter. The two-tone haired male had a prejudice against those types of people, one of which was _Akaashi Keiji_. And he knew—no—he _saw_ what Kotaro did to Keiji for that.

Tetsurou knew that if Kotaro had believed they would share you— _they would share you, in all aspects of that word._

“I didn’t lie to you, Ko… I’d never lie to you… you know me. I’m your best friend.”

The anger on Kotaro’s face was replaced with sadness, his eyes suddenly glossed with tears before they rolled down his cheeks. The tip of his nose turned red and so did the bottom of his eyes. While Kotaro loved the sight of Tetsurou breathless under him, the latter liked the sight of him crying. The wing spiker’s grip on Tetsurou’s neck had loosened, sadness already making its way to his face. The taller male smiled at him, knowing Kotaro would come undone by that gentle smile only he would get to witness.

Then his hands were already on his sides. His eyes hooded as he tried to stop the sobs that were threatening to escape his lips. Tetsurou sat up when he felt Kotaro shake, and his arms immediately wrapped around the latter’s bigger frame— _and he comes undone._

Sputters of _I’m sorry_ and other inaudible words came from Kotaro’s lips, and Tetsurou rubs his back gently, comforting him.

“ _I don’t want this to happen again… I can’t lose you… I can’t lose her, Tetsu… you know that, you both mean the world to me…”_

Tetsurou hushes him, lips close to Kotaro’s ears as he whispers _it’s okay_ and _you’re going to be alright_. Kotaro believes him, he always does _. And Tetsurou knows this too._

“I’m sorry. I can’t bear to lose you or her. Not like how I lost _him_.” Kotaro says in between sobs, and Tetsurou already gets the idea.

“I know, I know, Bo. Don’t sweat over it. I’m here, I’m always going to be here. _Always, Bo._ ”

Everyone had their secrets. Kotaro and Tetsurou were no exception to this. Some secrets get found out, but as Tetsurou watches Kotaro fall asleep with dried tear tracks on his pale cheeks, he knew _this_ secret would be kept to their grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading chapter 5! I don't know why, but ever since I heard that cannibal!Bokuto was actually a thing, I fell deep for it :( also, I do love a little bit of BoKuroo sometimes (or most of the time), I swear their friendship is just so powerful. Kudos and comments would be much appreciated! Thanks for reading!


	6. weirdo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shadows are calling for Kotaro, but he ignores them for _you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// panic attacks, suggestive themes

Hunger had always been Kotaro’s biggest weakness. Ever since he was young, Kotaro felt like he was always so starved, so unable to even become the least bit full. As a child, he had been so energetic. His parents often had a hard time catching up to him. His friends were always complaining how he never ran out of energy. His volleyball team in middle school even abandoned him because of how passionate he was in the sport. It was overwhelming— _Bokuto Kotaro was overwhelming._ Everyone commented on how it felt like he was always so hungry for something; whether it be the sport he was playing, a person he was pursuing, or something he was very passionate about. Kotaro didn’t know if he’d ever meet someone who’d have the same level of hunger for him, but he didn’t bother to care.

That was until he met the scheming captain who’s thirst just matched his hunger. Kuroo Tetsurou was thirsty—for victory, adventure, experience, and everything in between. Tetsurou became one of Kotaro’s close friends after one of their games in their last year in middle school. Kotaro must have seen that same tenacious look he had on Tetsurou’s face after the latter had blocked one of his most powerful spikes. _It was then and there that Kotaro had welcomed that boy into his life._

Graduating middle school, he made his mark in one of the volleyball powerhouses in Tokyo, Fukurodani Academy. Tetsurou made his own mark in Nekoma High School, and the two carried on with their volleyball careers.

But even after all that— even after meeting someone who was so much like him, Kotaro still couldn’t help but _feel hungry._ Then on the afternoon of his second year in high school, he meets a first year joining their volleyball team; _Akaashi Keiji_ , he was called.

Keiji was beautiful. His raven colored hair laid perfectly on his head like a crown, eyes a beautiful shade of the rarest metallic blue framed with thick, long lashes, and his face was sculpted like that of the Greek Gods Kotaro had read about with Tetsurou _. He was so beautiful it made Kotaro’s heart hurt just looking at him_.

That afternoon, while the rest of the team had already decided to call it a day, Kotaro was still at it practicing. He looks over to his side and sees Keiji drinking water, and he takes this as a chance to approach the younger male.

“Akaashi!”

Kotaro remembers how it felt like falling in love at first sight—time standing still as Keiji looks at him. Despite his face being blank, Kotaro still thought he looked like an angel.

“Yes Bokuto-san?”

“Practice some more with me. You up for it?”

A short pause.

_“Of course, Bokuto-san.”_

_**And suddenly Kotaro didn’t feel as hungry as before.**_

***

Thinking about Keiji sent Kotaro’s heart racing. His fingers would turn cold, while his hands would shake. In the darkness of his bedroom, he makes out a form at the corner just beside the door. The familiar lithe frame of the setter he admired—no— ** _loved_** , staring at him ** _._** He hears Keiji’s voice sometimes, calling out his name, and he would respond. Keiji was in that room, Kotaro knew it. He was just around the corner somewhere, maybe under the bed where he would usually hide, or inside the closet, or in the bathroom or somewhere tucked away in a small corner— ** _Keiji was just there_**.

Kotaro convinced himself that he was. And he always finds himself frantically looking for the said man in the dark of the night. Sometimes knocking things over, other times hurting himself, but he would always find himself in the same spot—inside the closet where he remembers Keiji’s scent would be. And he would cry, for such a long time, and stay silent. Kotaro loved—no— ** _loves_** Keiji, more than anything in the world. More than his love for Tetsurou. More than _anything_. His rough hands would always feel for the soft skin of Keiji— _his Keiji_ , but he would always be met by the cold space.

During those nights, he felt hungry. He felt so hungry that it hurt him inside. No matter what he ate, he craved for something familiar, something more appetizing than the boring dishes that he would shove in his mouth. He _desired_ for something far more delicious. This continued for years, and this dragged Tetsurou in the spiral of a hungry Kotaro always in search for his next meal— _and the bedhead knew that wasn’t such a good idea._ However, Tetsurou was a good friend. He kept whatever happened a secret. He even helped Kotaro clean everything up and promised that no one other than them would know, and that was true, up to this very day.

But when he met you, his mouth had watered, his thoughts of Keiji suddenly stopped. He was hungry, and he felt like devouring your entire being. But when he caught a whiff of your scent—that comforting scent of vanilla and lavender, he felt his hunger suddenly disappear. It felt great—amazing, even. He felt whole again, and that never ending pit of hunger in his stomach was suddenly full. Kotaro wondered what other miracles you could do.

And the nights came when he no longer looked for Keiji. The shadows lingering in the dark corners of his room no longer called out to him, and if they did— _he ignored them_. You were all that was in his mind. _You_ were everything he could ever think of. **_You_** were all he wanted at that moment. He knows Tetsurou already caught the news, his friend wasn’t the least bit dense.

However, there was a time when Kotaro hated you. He hated you because he was starting to feel like he was losing Keiji faster than he had expected. _And boy did he not want that._ He was torn between wanting to be sucked into the darkness that is his love for Keiji, or the light that was you. You were good for him. _You were so good for Kotaro._

And as he lay in bed that night, knowing that the shadows will be calling out to him again in a few hours, his hands travelled south as he imagined sensual images of you, which Tetsurou had so kindly sent to him that day.

Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

Faster.

_Faster_.

**_Faster Bokuto-san!_ **

His eyes shot open as he saw images of you in ecstasy; eyes shut tight, perfectly shaped brows furrowed, cheeks flushed red, and your perfect mouth open in a silent scream. White covered his hand, and he made sure to clean up before settling back down on his bed, ignoring the calls of the shadows in the dark. Eyes closed and dreaming about his newly found muse— ** _you._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for chapter 6! I finished writing the whole thing today, but I'm letting one of my friends read the last three chapters first before I put up all the chapters. This is just a glimpse of what happens in the mind of Bokuto (it made me sad writing this part tbh). Thank you very much for reading! :>


	7. i don't belong here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kotaro and Tetsurou just wait at the sidelines, waiting for you to come to them.

Winter had finally come upon Tokyo on December 1st. Christmas was also fast approaching, and people were littered in the streets carrying bags of gifts for their families, friends, lovers, and selves. December was still a busy month for the university students, seeing as it was nearing their finals for that term. The university was filled with students wearing heavy clothing, keeping themselves warm from the cold wind and the snow. You were warm and comfortable in a brown coat over your black turtleneck tucked in a grey wool skirt, black stockings and your heeled boots. Winter wasn’t usually your favorite time of year, rain and spring were more your thing than the harsh coldness winter had to offer.

Your nose was red from the snowflakes nipping at your nose, and you buried your chin in the comfort of the white scarf your brother had given you. Eun, however, loved winter. She was right beside you as you two spoke about your plans for that winter in Miyagi. As the two of you spoke, you caught sight of Tetsurou and Kotaro walking with their usual group of friends, and you wave at the two of them. Tetsurou waves back with a lazy smile on his face, while Kotaro beams at you and waves energetically like he always did. _Or did he seem too energetic that morning?_ Even Tetsurou’s usual lazy smile, didn’t even look lazy at all. The both of them looked so _restless._

You brush the thoughts away, and continue listening to Eun as you both make your way to your next class together. You realized Tooru didn’t bother to come near your friend and bother her like he usually would, so you turned around to see their group disappear in the crowd of students in the hallway.

_‘Weird.’_ You thought to yourself as you turned the corner.

***

The day went by surprisingly fast. Perhaps it was because winter usually left little time for the day, and more for the night. After grabbing dinner with Eun in your usual restaurant, and getting some new coffee beans, you were on your way home with her.

“I was completely drenched from head to toe! Seungho is always such an ass to me!” She says, recalling a memory with her older brother.

“I thought you liked Seungho.” You laughed.

“I do! When he’s not being an asshole.”

You laugh along with your best friend, and let the silence envelope you once more as you turned the next corner. You passed by the _konbini_ , and smiled when you remembered Kotaro and Tetsurou. They were great guys, so different from the _boys_ you had met. Eun seemed to be okay with them too, and knowing how high her standards were (and her apparent dislike for some _very_ specific males), you thought it was a good idea to actually be friends with the two.

Sometimes you’d talk in that old group chat you had for that Philosophy paper, and surprisingly, they were very easy to talk to. Kotaro was hilarious with his child-like demeanor, and the way he saw things in such a simple light. It was refreshing, seeing as you often surrounded yourself with people who thought things through very thoroughly—making simple things become ever so complicated. Tetsurou was just as hilarious as his best friend, but he was sarcastic and witty too. There was no dull conversation with the two of them bickering back and forth. And you felt at ease and contented with the two of them.

_They were like two strong pillars, and you enjoyed the safety you felt between the two of them._

Ever since they came over that day, the feeling of someone following you had stopped. You were able to go back and do the things you usually did, which also included the nightly activities you had when you felt _a little too lonely_.

You entered the building, and soon you were in front of your door.

“Dude, I don’t know what to tell you, but really, I’m happy that you’re having fun in college.” She says, and you look at her, as if asking what she meant. “You always looked like you were missing something in high school. You know, how you were buried in all those books your dad made you read so you’d get in this university?”

You take that memory to heart. Your father was not very kind when it came to your education. He always said he wanted you to have the best kind of education, and being the youngest in your family, it was hard filling in your brother and your sister’s shoes. They were all very successful, and they were so perfect. At some point, you hated yourself for not being like your siblings, but as you grew older, you learned to accept yourself for being the person you were.

“I’m happy for you, (y/n). Like genuinely. And I want you to continue being happy, okay? If ever you do feel sad, I’m here. If you feel scared, I’m here to beat up whichever creep decides to make you feel so, yeah?”

You laugh lightheartedly at her statement, but took it to heart as well.

“I will, Eun. Thank you. You too, okay? I’ll beat up the grand king Oikawa Tooru if I had to.” You said, honest about the intention of giving the setter a punch if he even laid a finger on your blue haired friend.

“Nah, don’t worry about him. I can take care of that asshole now.”

After sharing your last laugh with her, you hugged her tight, something in the back of your mind telling you to do so, and she did the same thing.

“ _See you tomorrow.”_

_“See you.”_

Unbeknownst to the two of you, there was a horror waiting just behind the door.

***

You woke up that morning, a headache making itself known. It was unusually cold in your room, and you hated having to wake up to that, but the comfort your sheets gave you made you want to continue curling in bed for just a few more minutes. Surely your lecture can wait, right? But the voice in your head got the better of you, and you sat up your bed before stretching your arms. Still not completely awake, you rubbed the sleep in your eyes gently as you yawned.

After doing your usual morning routine, you dressed yourself, grabbed some juice and toast, before making your way out and in front of your best friend’s unit. You knocked on the door three times, knowing she was already awake and probably getting ready to eat breakfast. Eun didn’t seem like it, but she hated being late.

But the door wasn’t answered in the third knock. So you tried again. Still, there was no answer. So you took out your phone and gave her a call, but all her phone did was ring, and you were sent to voicemail right away.

“That’s weird. Eun doesn’t usually sleep in.” You thought to yourself as you took out the spare key you had in your bag. You two always kept spare keys of each other’s rooms, just in case you were locked out or forgot to bring yours.

Entering the space, you felt an eerie feeling, Eun’s usual warmth gone from her usually bright and energetic home. You looked around, calling her name, and trying to contact her. But to no luck at all. Fear settled in the pit of your stomach as you entered her room slowly; you so badly wanted to be wrong. But you find her room dark and empty. Everything was still in place, neat like how Eun liked to keep her room. Her favorite black out curtains keep the room dark and cold.

“Eun?” You called out again, in hopes that she might hear you.

You thought she was just playing around, like she did when you were younger. But Eun knew not to play these kinds of pranks on you.

“Eunnie, seriously, this isn’t funny.”

You opened the curtains, light seeping in the dark room, and you see a note on her study table. You picked it up, and read what was written.

_‘(y/n), I know you’re going to come looking for me._

_I’m okay. I really am. But I’m sorry.’_

There was no explanation. She just apologized. Does this mean she’s not going to go back? At all? _Why would Eun leave all of a sudden? Why did she suddenly disappear? Did someone make her do this?_ And if ever someone did, you only had one person in mind.

**_Oikawa Tooru_**.

***

The volleyball team usually had morning practices, even during winter. Even when the temperature was dropping, and it was freezing outside. They were no exception on that day, but their usual practice was interrupted when you barged inside the gym, ignoring their coach who was clearly not happy with the intrusion. They watched as you stormed up to Tooru, fuming.

“You!” Your voice was harsh, and seemed like you were out to hurt him—which you were.

Tooru had turned his attention to you, and your fist immediately made contact with his cheek. The brunet was taken by surprise, as were the rest of the team. He looked at you wide-eyed, as if he wasn’t expecting that punch after what he did.

“Excuse me?” was all he managed to say.

“Why do you keep harassing my friend, huh?! She’s been through enough!” You say, voice booming in the closed gym.

Tooru stood up, his height towering over you, but you looked up at him and did not back down.

“Look, (s/n)-chan, I don’t know what you’re talking about, or why the **_fuck_** you punched me, but whatever that’s about, it’s got nothing to do with me.” Tooru says, clearly displeased.

You scoffed.

“Not know what I’m talking about? You harassed Eun! Again! It’s been years! Why are you so obsessed with her?! You can literally get any girl in this university— _in this world_ —and yet you’d still come after my friend who’s living a life of her own peacefully!”

Tooru looked genuinely confused by your statement, and he seemed irritated by it at the same time.

“I haven’t even spoken to her in months. You should ask her!”

“I would if I had seen her!”

“What do you mean?”

Not irritated, you grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him down to your height. The sudden action surprising him.

“You harassed her again and now she’s gone. She went somewhere, I can’t reach her phone, I can’t get anything from her!”

Your eyes had been teary at that moment, and you tried to blink away the tears, but it just didn’t work. Tooru’s usual cocky self was nowhere to be found either, confusion glazed his eyes.

“Look, (s/n)-chan. I haven’t been in contact with Eun for months. I haven’t even spoken to her in the hallways, or met her gaze even. You can ask the rest of the team.” He offers, and you let go of his shirt, looking at his teammates who had been concerned with the scene unfolding.

Shoyo, the first year middle blocker, was the first one to speak up.

“(s/n)-san, it’s true. Oikawa-san hasn’t really been doing anything other than practicing for the upcoming game.”

You looked at the orange haired male, wanting to believe him—maybe you should, you know Shoyo never lies. Your attention goes back to Tooru, who had long forgotten the fact that you actually landed a punch on him.

“Did she leave you anything? A note? A message?” he asks, concern evident in his voice.

You nod, the tears finally slipping from your eyes.

“She didn’t say where she was going… she just said she had to leave…”

And you broke down, in the middle of their practice. And although their coach would have told them to continue, the fact that a student had suddenly gone missing, was more alarming. So while you were there crying and trying to regain your thoughts with the help of the coach and the rest of the team, Tetsurou and Kotaro stood by the sidelines _, waiting for you to come to them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're slowly getting there! i hope you liked chapter 7, i was a bit lost when i was writing this, so most of it was just... word vomit. things will go down from here, so i hope (y/n) is ready :>
> 
> kudos and comments are much appreciated! thanks for reading!


	8. out the door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa Tooru pays you a visit.

The weeks of not getting any news from Eun had broken you. You called her parents and her brothers to inform them about what happened, but it seemed they already knew. Eun had sent them messages from her phone, telling them that she wanted to have some peace and quiet for the moment. Of course it alarmed her family, and they did everything in their power to find their only daughter. Your family was also affected, worried about where the blue haired girl might have gone, and worried about you—how you were faring with the sudden disappearance of your friend.

There were no more dinner dates, no more lunches under the shade, no more talking about funny memories back in Miyagi. All that was left of Eun was the note she had written for you. Her brothers had tried their best to look for her, but her location was turned off. _It felt like she just disappeared into the wind._ No traces of her in her room, in your school, or anywhere in Tokyo—and _everyone had noticed._ Everywhere you went, you were constantly reminded that Eun wasn’t around. Your professors asked you, your friends who haven’t even been in contact for months have asked you, people you didn’t even know asked you.

_“I’m sorry… I really don’t know where she went.”_

You were broken and confused, and there was no one else who could have offered you any peace at all. Going to university was becoming a chore. Doing the simplest things became so tiring, most days you just wanted to stay in bed and wait for some sort of miracle. But you reminded yourself that if Eun was around, she’d want you to get your ass out of bed and go to the university you worked so hard to get in— _but Eun wasn’t around. Not anymore._

_***_

Christmas was close, and the snow was thick on the lawns of the campus. A white Christmas, they would call it. It seemed like everyone had forgotten the news of a missing student just weeks ago, and suddenly everything was back to normal. You, however, still felt the weight on the world on your shoulders. It was your last meeting for your Philosophy class, and next year you’d have a new schedule. You sit in your seat quietly, not wanting to speak to anyone at all, when the two had approached you.

“Hey, (y/n), how you holding up?” You looked up to see Tetsurou with a small smile on his face, Kotaro right behind him carrying what seemed to be a box of donuts and a warm drink.

You tried your best to smile, but it ended up looking too sad, and the bedhead middle blocker took that as a sign to sit beside you. Kotaro opt to make you and Tetsurou scoot, so the latter was sitting on his seat, while you were stuck in between the two of them.

“I’m barely getting by.” Was all you managed to say in a soft voice.

“We got you donuts and hot chocolate.” Kotaro says with a smile, not as energetic as his smile before, but more mellow and comforting.

He places the box in front of you, along with the hot chocolate, and you smiled before laughing slightly.

“You guys really didn’t have to.”

“Well, you said donuts were comforting, and hot chocolate was ‘divine’ on cold days.” Tetsurou recalls, and you smile at him.

You looked down on the table, heart feeling warmer. “I can’t believe you guys still remember that.”

“Of course we would. We remember the little things about you, (y/n).” Kotaro says sharing a look with Tetsurou.

You missed to see the way their eyes glinted with such intensity, and the sinister meaning lingering behind the golden eyed man’s words.

***

Coming home in Miyagi was something you looked forward to, but with your friend gone, you were simply dreading to come home. Every conversation would be about university, academics, future plans, and everything normal families don’t usually dwell too long to talk about. Christmas was okay, but you spent the rest of the night in your room, crying and just wishing that Eun would show up. It lasted for an hour or two, until Kotaro and Tetsurou had called you, greeting you Merry Christmas and talking to you—taking your mind away from thoughts about your friend.

You were grateful for the two of them. While everyone else was being insensitive for asking you about why she had suddenly disappeared, Kotaro and Tetsurou tried to avoid the topic as much as possible, and would often ask you if you were okay to talk about it first, before even striking up a conversation on the issue. You continued talking to the two, getting closer and closer you even called them your best friends now. You were slowly getting better, little by little. But a part of you was screaming to look into what happened to Eun. To find any clue that might help the investigation on why she had suddenly disappeared.

On January 1st, Oikawa Tooru had visited your home. He was alone, not with his usual buddy, Hajime. You were surprised to see him, and had honestly wanted to just shove him outside the gate, but your parents were home.

“What do you want, Oikawa.” You said, not even bothering to make it sound like a question.

“I just want to talk, (s/n).” Tooru had the same expression as you did, obviously irritated with the fact that you were being rude. But you had every right to.

You contemplated first, before letting him in. Your father was in the kitchen, discussing things with your mother, when you walked inside with Tooru.

“Oh, I didn’t know you’d be having visitors today, (y/n).” Your mother says as she stands from where she was seated on the counter.

“Good morning, (s/n)-san.” Tooru had a charming smile on his face, one you wanted to wipe off.

Your father had raised an eyebrow at him, and you were thankful for that show of intimidation.

“You are friends with my daughter, I take it?” he says, standing from his seat, almost towering Tooru.

You simply stood by the sideline, waiting for what Tooru would say or do, but he just smiled and nodded again.

“Yes, sir. I came here to give (y/n)-chan some of my mom’s cookies. She made far too many for us. Please, help yourselves to it, too.”

Your eyes trailed to the paper bag that he had been carrying, which you didn’t notice. Your father gave him a curt nod as he accepts it and hands it over to your mother.

“What’s your name?”

“Oikawa Tooru, sir.”

You sighed deeply before grabbing Tooru’s arm, ignoring your father’s look at you.

“Dad, mom, we’re just going to be in my room. We’ll be back down in just a few minutes.”

You didn’t wait for them to respond and went straight to your sister’s room. Of course you weren’t going to let Tooru in your room.

“I didn’t know your room would be so girly and purple-y, (s/n).” Tooru says as he looks around, studying his surroundings.

“This isn’t my room, it’s my sister’s. As if I’d let you in mine.” You glared. “Go straight to the point, what are you doing here?”

Tooru sighs as he sits on the bed.

“You hate me that much, (s/n)?” He asks, to which you roll your eyes.

“That’s not what I asked.”

Then he stood up, his height towering over you, and you tried your best not to back down from the staring contest you two were currently having. You haven’t even noticed you took steps backwards until your back pressed against the door, Tooru still in front of you.

“Do you hate me, (s/n)?”

His arms were now on either side of your head, and you kept your arms at the side ready if he was going to do anything.

“I’d be lying if I said no, Oikawa.” Your voice had so much spite and hatred to it.

_This was the man that harassed your best friend, and even if he wasn’t the reason why she had disappeared, he was still part of it._

Just as he was leaning closer, you raised your hand to place against his chest, but suddenly he moved away. Now that he was further away from you, you managed to take a few breaths.

“I came here to let you know about something.”

That got your attention.

“I have nothing to do with Eun’s disappearance.” You were about to speak when he continued. “But I can’t do anything to make you change your mind if you really think that I was the reason why she left. _If she really left._ ”

He was pacing around the room, looking genuinely concerned—as if he was fighting a battle in his own mind.

“What do you mean ‘if Eun really left’. There were no traces of breaking and entering in her apartment. And if there was, I would have known.” You seethed, Tooru could feel anger emanating from you.

“I’m only doing this because I want to help you. Some people aren’t who you think they are.” He faced you this time. “Do you get what I’m trying to say?”

“Yes, I get that you’re just trying to clear your name.” You rolled your eyes at him, arms crossed in front of your chest.

It was Tooru’s turn to roll his eyes. “What I’m trying to say, is that you think you know people, but clearly you don’t. You think you know Kuroo and Bokuto well enough to be calling them your friends?”

That surprised you— _how the hell did he know_. You were at a loss for words, but you felt yourself getting angrier by the minute.

“Why are you dragging them into this mess? They have nothing to do with Eun’s disappearance. They don’t even talk to her!” You defended, knowing full well that the duo had no ill intentions towards you or Eun.

Tooru scoffed.

“I’ve been friends with them longer than you have, (y/n). I know both of them have done things— _horrible_ things.”

You decided to give Tooru the benefit of the doubt, after all, you did think Tetsurou and Kotaro looked a little sketchy at first. Seeing as you didn’t respond, Tooru continued.

“Look up Akaashi Keiji.”

The name sounded so familiar. It really did. You tried asking Tooru about it, but he was already out of the room. You followed him downstairs, and saw that he had said goodbye to your parents, and you only managed to catch up to him when he was already by the gate.

“Oikawa! Oikawa wait!”

He turned around, and you stood behind him with a perplexed look, as if waiting for him to explain more.

“I… I don’t understand what you mean.” Was all you managed to say.

“Look him up. It’ll give you answers. Make sure they don’t catch you.” Tooru responds, as he walks away, but before he gets any further, he turns around and gives you a sad smile.

“Good luck, (y/n).”

You stood there confused, and had wanted to ask more questions. There was nothing else you can do at that moment, but follow what Tooru said _._

_Whoever Akaashi Keiji was, he would have the answer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked chapter 8! i hope everyone is keeping safe during these times too, take care! thanks for reading :>


	9. she's running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Keiji. Eun. **YOU** _. You all had something in common.

In your entire 21 years of living, you’ve seen enough documentaries to know what kind of things usually happened in murders, kidnappings, and literally every other case there could be. Growing up, you busied yourself with reading books on these kinds of things, mostly because your father had taken plenty of cases regarding that. He was a prosecutor, and he was terrifying. You grew up constantly trying to fill in your siblings’ shoes; your brother also worked in legal services, while your sister studied her way through medicine and became a successful neurosurgeon. You were left to carry the burden of your father’s expectations, knowing that he had high ones just as he did with your siblings.

But with that, you were thankful. Because if you hadn’t buried yourself in all those books you read, strained your eyes in all those documentaries you’ve seen— _you wouldn’t be alive at this moment_.

After that exchange with Tooru, you spent the rest of the remaining days of your break to look up Akaashi Keiji. He was a student from Fukurodani Academy—responsible, reliable, and smart. You two had been the same age, only that you were a third year already since you were accelerated at a young age. Keiji was well-liked by everyone, but he mostly kept to himself. You read on his disappearance; the when’s, why’s, and how’s of everything.

_“Akaashi Keiji—17 years old, was last seen in the vicinity of Fukurodani Academy. The second year was a setter of the volleyball powerhouse, and was described wearing their track uniform during his disappearance.”_

_“ **17-YEAR OLD SETTER FOUND DEAD:** Akaashi Keiji’s friends say that this was not a suicide, but a murder. The parents are not convinced that the body found was Akaashi Keiji’s, rather it was planned to look like him. Local authorities are looking further into this, more in the next articles.”_

_“The disappearance of Akaashi Keiji had alerted the national government, as these crimes are not usually rampant. Two months ago, a body claimed to be Akaashi Keiji’s was found by a witness who had recently passed by the local park. Today, after the results of the DNA sampling came, it was found out that the body was not the missing 17-year old’s. There is still no trace as to the actual whereabouts of Akaashi Keiji, but the family is still urging the public to report to the authorities or to them if there had been any signs or sightings of the boy. He was last seen…”_

_“ **AKAASHI KEIJI’S CLOSE FRIENDS SPEAK UP TO HIS DISAPPEARANCE.** ”_

After hours of reading news articles, and watching a documentary dedicated for the disappearance, you felt your eyes beginning to strain. You weren’t sure why Tooru had suddenly brought it up, but he seemed genuinely concerned—and concern was not usually in Oikawa Tooru’s vocabulary. As you were about to turn off your laptop and get some much needed rest, your eyes caught a glimpse of a familiar frosted tipped male in one of the interviews. A voice at the back of your head urged you to watch it, and you did.

Sure enough, Kotaro showed up in the interview. He looked much younger, and had teary, red rimmed eyes from crying.

_“Akaashi was a great friend… he was always so kind and understanding to me… I just don’t understand why he’d suddenly leave…”_

Kotaro had sounded so heartbroken. His voice quivered and you felt your heart sink when he began crying as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand when he tried to speak again. He was about to be taken away from the screen by the rest of their volleyball team, when he spoke up again.

_“’Kaashi… if you’re watching this, and I really hope you are… please just come home…”_

There was desperation to his voice, so much of it that you thought it was forced—but why would you think that way of Kotaro? He was young back then, and he had just lost his friend. Maybe that was why he had handled the news with Eun so calmly, because he went through the same thing you did.

_But what did Tooru mean by not knowing Kotaro and Tetsurou as much as he did?_

Some part of you thought that Tooru must have been hinting on Kotaro being suspected of Keiji’s disappearance, since it did appear in the documentary and most of the news you’ve read, but Kotaro’s alibi on the day of Keiji’s disappearance was very strong to even suspect the ex-ace. Although, you did give Tooru the benefit of the doubt, because at some point you knew that people closer to Keiji would have more motives to harm him than strangers. But the idea that Kotaro, or even Tetsurou—who hadn’t exactly spoken nor spent a lot of time with Keiji—could have been the ones to do that to the setter, was completely farfetched.

However, there was something that had been similar to Eun’s disappearance and that of Keiji. Interviews with his family said that they all received messages from him too, saying that he would be home late or that he was going somewhere. There was also no sign of breaking in his room, everything was kept in place, and everything in his phone was clear too. Eun’s case was no different, and you wanted to connect the dots—because until now, Keiji still hasn’t been found. And who knows, perhaps it would be the same cruel fate for Eun if you didn’t try and do your part.

***

By the time the next term turned up, you were already exhausted. You dreaded going back to your old apartment, so your parents had arranged for you to stay at your brother’s home instead. For him to keep you company, and guarantee your safety as well. Everything had been so lonely when Eun left—that was what you liked to tell yourself. _She left, she didn’t just disappear._ It was easier to accept things that way.

With your new schedule, your barely saw Kotaro and Tetsurou, but you kept in touch with them through social media. You haven’t seen Tooru either, thinking he might be avoiding you. You were still grateful for that, especially because you didn’t know what to say to the brunet after his unexpected visit during New Year. Everything was normal, at least as normal as it can be for you. Balancing university and trying to find anything else that might lead to answers had been very tiring; physically, mentally, and emotionally. You prayed to whatever deity that was looking after you— _just to let Eun come home, even if it’s not for you. Even if it’s just for her grieving family._

You learned that prayers were often answered, but some weren’t, when you received a message from Tetsurou one day.

**_Kuroo Tetsurou (1)_**

**** _Hey (y/n), you still have the notes you borrowed? I kind of need it on Thursday._

_Ah shit._

You even forgot to return things you borrowed. Everything had been slipping from your mind recently, and most of the time it’s not even on purpose. You replied to Tetsurou, saying you’d be giving them back tomorrow after your classes. Your phone pings again, and you see his reply.

**_Kuroo Tetsurou (1)_**

**** _Oh cool, cool. Meet me by the gym? We have practice in the afternoon ‘til the evening. Ko and I will get you dinner after so you don’t starve to death or something. You look real tired lately, (y/n). Get some rest, yeah? See you tomorrow._

You smiled at the message. Tetsurou usually liked to tease you and Kotaro a lot, but there were times when he was very soft and caring. You wondered how he knew how you looked, since you barely even saw each other in university because of your very different schedules. But you brushed it off.

***

The next day came by slowly. It was still snowing, much to your dislike. _If Eun was here, she would have enjoyed throwing snowballs at each other in the lawns. She’s unpredictable like that._ Your heart clenched at the thought of your friend. Before, you thought you were getting better at handling the news, but it’s only been a month and a few days since Eun left. You still felt the weight of it crushing you on most days.

The morning was slow, although usually you’d think it would be quicker since winter was still around. But now, it seemed to drag longer than you’d anticipated. You didn’t want to think about it in any way, but deep down, you were looking forward to seeing Kotaro and Tetsurou again. They had been constant with their communication with you; checking up on you, Kotaro sending you memes, Tetsurou reminding you to take your medicine—since you now went to a therapist who had been a close friend of Kotaro’s family.

You were thankful for the two of them, and your family was, too. You weren’t sure if it was just because you were sad and lonely, or if it was the fact that Tetsurou and Kotaro were the closest thing to a real home you’d call. _Only Eun got close to that, but with her gone, someone had to fill in that space for the moment._

Finally, at 6 pm, after tapping your finger against the hardwood of the table, you were dismissed from your last class. You usually hated it when it went that long, but Wednesdays were hectic with most of your majors on that day. Surprisingly, you didn’t feel tired—no, you did, but you felt _less_ tired, knowing that you’ll be seeing your friends soon. As soon as the bell rang, you stood up from your seat and ran out of the lecture hall.

Your breath could be seen white in the air as you ran towards the gym. Nearing the place, you could hear the sounds of balls being hit and shoes squeaking against the floor—it sounded comforting. You slowed down from running and caught your breath, before walking towards the door of the gym. It was closed, so you stayed outside for the moment, knowing that the last time you barged in that place, you had been a crying mess. Hugging your arms, you looked up at the snow that fell slowly on the ground. It was refreshing to take time slowly like this, and to know that you would be with other people other than yourself and your shadow. You must have zoned out, because then you didn’t hear the door opening, and the rest of the volleyball team making their way out.

“Oh, Kuroo-san! (s/n)-chan’s here!” Lev calls out, you were surprised with his height suddenly towering over yours. Beside him was Yaku, who recognized you and gave you a soft smile.

“How are you (s/n)-chan?” he asks.

“I’m doing slightly better, Yaku-san.”

Though you never actually shared any classes with Yaku, he seemed to have been one of the kind ones from his department to talk to you. Lev said a quick goodbye before he followed behind Yaku. The rest of the volleyball team had left, and you were about to go inside the gym to see the two when you bumped into someone’s chest.

“Sorry…”

You looked to see Tooru, who looked just as surprised as you.

“What are you—“ He stops mid-sentence after realizing what you were doing there. “Right. Okay, take care.”

Hajime was behind him, and he looked at you with concern before asking you how you were, to which you replied you were fine. The two soon followed behind Shoyo and Kiyoomi who were both walking ahead. You wanted to go to Tooru and tell him about what you learned, but it probably wasn’t the best choice. Tooru seemed like he didn’t want anything to do with you at all.

“Hey, (y/n), been waiting long?” Tetsurou asked as he stands beside you, already wearing his winter track uniform and a scarf around his neck.

“No, not really. Just for a few minutes.” You respond as you give him a small smile.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! I missed you (y/n)!”

You were surprised when Kotaro suddenly embraced you, wrapping his big arms around your smaller frame and spinning you around. When he set you down, you looked at him with an incredulous look, as if you didn’t think he could just lift you up and spin you around like you were some sack of potatoes.

Kotaro must have noticed the way you looked at him, so he was quick to back off.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to overstep boundaries again.” He apologizes, giving you a sheepish smile. “It’s just we haven’t seen each other for a while and I really missed you, and _you smell really great wow what is your cologne, is it new_ —“

“Bo. Dude. You’ll freak her out. Give her some space.” Tetsurou says as he pulls Kotaro back, the latter seeming restless, but giving you space anyway.

You stood there in silence, and the two seemed hesitant to approach you at first, until you laughed—genuinely. It felt so much lighter for you to be able to laugh like that. You clutched your stomach as you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing, your knees feeling weak.

“I’m s-sorry… you guys are just h-hilarious!” you wiped the corners of your eyes as you gained composure, taking a breath and standing straight.

Kotaro was beaming at you already, and Tetsurou gave you another one of his lazy smiles. For the first time in the longest time, you felt at ease—happy even.

“Let’s go get dinner, I’m pretty sure our pretty princess here is starving!” Kotaro says, as he drapes his arm on your shoulder.

You smile, contented with the fact that you were with your friends again. The heaviness the nickname and the weight of Kotaro’s hand on your shoulders were unknown to you.

***

You dined in a restaurant where you’ve never eaten in before. Tetsurou and Kotaro seemed to be new to the place as well, and there weren’t a lot of people. Maybe because most people wouldn’t exactly dine out at a weather like that.

“Do you guys go here often?” You ask as you settled at the booth in the back, getting comfortable and warm.

“Nope, it’s our first time here actually. Been wanting to check the place out, so we thought we’d bring you along.” Tetsurou responds, seeing Kotaro was too busy with reading the menu.

You sat in silence as you browsed through their food, and soon enough the waiter came and took your orders. You waited for a few more minutes, talking about university and your classes, Kotaro and Tetsurou mostly exchanging conversations about practice and their games. You were contented with looking at them talk, it seemed very refreshing to think that things were doing fine. That _you_ were doing fine.

And perhaps you were. Maybe in some other universe you weren’t silently mourning the loss of your best friend. She wasn’t dead, you knew Eun was somewhere— _alive_.

“(y/n)? (y/n)?” You looked ahead of you to see Kotaro waving his hand in front of you.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“We have to step out for a bit, we’ll be quick. Will you be okay for just 5 minutes?”

You must have looked funny, since the two of them snickered when you suddenly came to your thoughts. You nodded your head and soon the two were out of the restaurant, bickering about something that was inaudible to you. You, however, were left to your thoughts again.

They shifted from Eun; will you ever find her again? If you do, when would that be? But how can you find someone if they _don’t_ want to be found? Your family; you wondered if they were even thinking about you. You’ve always been the outcast even though you were the youngest, and though your mother loved you so much, you knew deep down she wanted you to be just as good as your siblings. Akaashi Keiji; this man—he could have been studying in college too. He could have achieved all the dreams he wanted in his life had he not disappeared. Your new friends; though you didn’t want to think badly of them, because Kotaro and Tetsurou were there every time you needed them, be it physically or emotionally, but there was some part of you that wanted to _doubt_ them. Especially Kotaro, because he _was_ suspected for a kidnapping case, and it was just suddenly thrown in the drain after his alibi. It sounded fishy—

“Ma’am, your food is ready. Have a nice meal.”

You looked up to see the waiter already serving your food. You must have been lost in your thoughts for long, since you didn’t exactly hear him step beside your table.

“Thank you, you too.” You said before you can even stop yourself.

_‘God, (y/n). Why would you say that?’_ You thought as you nearly smacked yourself on the head.

The waiter seemed to have ignored what you said, and simply gave you a polite smile. You stared at the food in front of you before checking your wrist watch; it’s been at least 10 minutes since the two headed out, and if you didn’t call them in, your food will probably be cold. And you thought that Kotaro wouldn’t appreciate eating cold food from a restaurant he just visited, so you followed them outside.

The streets were empty, and the weather wasn’t as merciful as it was a few days ago. Beside the restaurant was an alley, and you heard hushed voices. The breeze of the air was cold, and you pulled your scarf up to your chin, hugging your arms to keep yourself warm in that short moment. You stepped closer, and was about to call out when you heard their voices.

_“What do you think, Ko?”_ Tetsurou’s voice.

_“I think it was a good plan. I thought we wouldn’t pull it off.”_ Kotaro spoke this time.

You weren’t sure what they were talking about, but you pressed your back against the wall and listened. Your gut told you to.

_“When did you two ever not pull anything off? Especially something like that.”_ A third voice, and it was familiar— _Tooru_.

You heard Tooru’s dark chuckle, and you felt dread suddenly form in the pit of your stomach. _What were they doing, and what was Tooru doing here?_

_“Don’t worry though. Eun is safe. I have to keep her alive, I love her.”_

The world stopped at that moment. Everything just froze, and you froze on the spot. Your eyes were wide, and you felt like someone had knocked the air out of your lungs, because suddenly you found it so hard to breathe. It felt like the world was spinning, and your eyes were blurry, and you wanted to vomit— _Eun was with him? Eun was with Tooru?_

_“You didn’t have to tell her about Akaashi though.”_ Kotaro’s voice came next—

_No. They were in on this too?!_ You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. None of this made sense—nothing made sense at that moment. You were filled with so many questions that you didn’t think you’d even get the chance to have any of them answered.

_“I had to. How else would I have made things more fun?”_ Tooru’s dark chuckle had made you sick to your stomach, and Tetsurou’s response of a dark laughter made the bile rise to your throat.

You had to get out of there, and you had to get out **_now_** _._ Turning to your side, you bump into a chest, and you prayed—you prayed to whatever deity would actually have mercy on you, that this wouldn’t be another man who’d make you want to end things then and now. You opened your tightly shut eyes only to see Hajime in front of you, with a surprised look on his face.

“I-Iwaizumi-San…” was all you managed to choke out, your voice strained with anger, and tears that were threatening to fall were already brimming your eyes.

“(s/n), you okay? What are you doing here? Weren’t you with Kuroo and Bokuto?” Hajime asks, concern actually coating his eyes.

Out of all the people, you were actually thankful that Hajime was the one you bumped into. He had more sense than anyone else, and perhaps he can help you out of that situation. _Perhaps._

“Y-yes. I was, but I have to go. I, um…” You had to think of an excuse— _quick._ “I have to go see my brother, there was an emergency at home.”

Hajime gave you a curt nod, and was about to say something when you felt a presence behind you. Your eyes shut tight immediately as Hajime called out the first person he recognized.

“Kusoikawa, you really shouldn’t just walk out like that. Hinata was about to follow you here.” Hajime says, and you balled your fists in the pockets of your coat tightly.

You felt their eyes on you—intense and unforgiving, it seemed.

“Hoh, really. Good for you to follow me here though, Iwa-chan. I was just about to go home.” Tooru says, and you just know that he has his eyes on you. “What are you doing here, (s/n)-chan? Shouldn’t you be inside the resto? It’s pretty cold out here.”

_They knew._ They fucking knew that you knew that they took Eun— _does that make sense?_ If you said anything at that moment, would it make sense? Or would it just be a bunch of incoherent words mostly consisted of you cursing them? You didn’t bother to answer Tooru’s question, and you can’t even bring yourself to turn around and look at the two men you had bravely considered as your friends.

“(s/n) said there was an emergency at home. She was just about to leave.” Hajime responds for you, and you weren’t sure if he was clueless about this whole thing, or if he was helping them.

There was a moment of silence, and you wanted to run. _You had to run_.

“Well, we’ll go ahead. The snow isn’t going to be any less harsh later.” Tooru was very casual when he said goodbye, it sounded like he wasn’t keeping your friend captive.

Hajime was about to leave when you gripped the sleeve of his coat. His eyes meet yours and he notices how your hands trembled.

“I-Iwaizumi…-san…”

“(s/n)? You look pale. You need medicine?”

“It’s alright. We can take care of her, Iwaizumi. Thanks, dude.”

You didn’t know when you let go of Hajime’s sleeve, but you felt your entire being tremble as he walked away with Tooru beside him. He didn’t even look like he did anything wrong. But you saw, even with your blurry eyes, the way he turned around and gave you a smile and mouthed a good luck.

_You wanted Oikawa Tooru dead._

No.

**_You wanted them all dead._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm starting to feel sorry for (y/n), what did i do :(((
> 
> thanks for reading!!


	10. whatever makes you happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsurou is no different from Kotaro.

Some people think Tetsurou is the saner one between him and Kotaro, but the truth is, he is so much worse. See, the difference between the two is that Kotaro functions on instinct and impulse, while Tetsurou is on rationality and reason. The problem with that is the latter overthinking and overanalyzing everything. _Nothing went past Kuroo Tetsurou’s eyes_. It started with how observant he was in volleyball, then he used that in his ordinary life. At first, he did miss some things, but as he grew older, his skill for observing and knowing just the tiniest movements of a person became flawless.

People think Tetsurou was the more reasonable one between him and Kotaro, which is slightly true. But sometimes, when Tetsurou’s thinking and analyzing goes overboard, and his thoughts get the best of him, he loses his control. And that is precisely why he was currently pinning you against the wall in the dark room. You didn’t even bother asking how you made it there anymore.

Tetsurou looked down as you trembled in front of him, hand in front of your chest and your eyes not meeting him. He knew what was going on inside your mind—all those questions, all those emotions— _everything._ And he knew you wanted answers, **_soon_**. Tetsurou had prepared for that, he just hoped everything would go according to how it played out in his mind.

“You weren’t supposed to hear about that.” He said, for the first time in a span of hours since he had been quiet. “You know, Ko and I were taking it real slow with you. I was holding him back, because I knew if I let him go to you, he’d lose it. And along the way, _I’d lose you._ ”

Tetsurou knew what Kotaro would have done if he didn’t keep him at bay. He saw how obsessed he was when he had Keiji, and he recognized that look on Kotaro’s face the moment he laid his eyes on you. But you were clueless. You thought they were simply friendly, and as much as you hated it, you let your guard down after what had happened—because you needed someone to console you. You needed company.

You can barely see his face in the darkness, only the outline of it. You saw how his jaw had clenched and if this were in another setting, you’d say Tetsurou was rather attractive. But then again, being pinned to the wall with absolutely no escape could definitely affect the way you’d think of a person. You can hear his breathing in the silence of the room; it was slow and deep, as if he was trying to control himself. And indeed he was. To be this close to you was just a dream at first. You only appeared in his dreams with the sweet smile on your face, and a shy look when he did this. But comparing it to reality, you didn’t look too happy to be trapped between him and a wall.

“What do I do… (y/n)?” Tetsurou asks, his voice shaky as he places his head on your shoulder.

All you could do was look ahead, listen to how the cars passed by from a distance. You knew Tetsurou was the more reasonable between the two of them, because you’ve seen how professional and calm he was when it came to compromising things. Something that could benefit both parties was something Kuroo Tetsurou always put in mind when making decisions—or so you hoped. But you had to take your chances. You had to survive this so you can find Eun and lock these crazy fucks up.

You lifted your arms from where there were frozen, and though they were trembling, you tried your best to wrap them around his neck, tangling your fingers in his unruly hair. Tetsurou must have liked the gesture, because he sighed on your shoulder, a sign that he must have calmed down.

“K-Kuroo—“

“Tetsurou, call me by my name.”

You gulped, hesitant. “T-Tetsurou-san… I-I think the best thing do to at the moment is t-to think things through.”

That came out of your mouth smoother than you thought it would. You had to stay calm at times like this. You didn’t know where you were, and you couldn’t remember how you got there, so you can’t exactly escape without making sure your exact whereabouts.

Tetsurou was silent at your answer, and you just wanted this to be over. You just wanted to close your eyes and to be in the comfort of the darkness at that moment.

“I have. I have thought things through, (y/n). Over and _over_ again—it felt like I was losing my mind.”

You can hear the trouble in Tetsurou’s voice, it was as if he was at the brink of everything.

“I’m keeping Kotaro in check, while keeping myself in check too. Do you realize how hard that is?” His voice was hushed, but you can still hear the way he’s trying to keep it steady.

“I-I know... I mean, I-I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I know it’s hard for you, Tetsurou-san.” You say, thinking that perhaps consoling him might make him feel a bit better.

You were hoping that through that, Tetsurou might want to think things through. That maybe through consoling him, he could clear his mind and could change his mind on whatever it was he and Kotaro were planning.

‘ _You have to ask him about Eun, (y/n). It’s now or never. Tetsurou’s the only one you can talk to. Kotaro would probably not say anything.’_ You thought to yourself, and mustered all the courage you had left to ask him the question that had been filling your mind for a month now.

“Tetsurou-san…”

“Tetsurou.”

“T-Tetsurou…” you paused. “Where is Eun?”

Silence enveloped the room, and you felt yourself tense when Tetsurou’s breathing became calmer than it was before. _They said the calmest ones were usually the scariest when they snapped._

“You know, (y/n), everything I do, I do for Kotaro.” Tetsurou says, his voice calm, the slight tremble they held earlier no longer evident.

He stood straight and your arms fell to your sides as your eyes met his hazel colored ones. The intensity behind them was strong enough to make you tremble again, but you kept calm—you tried to. _You had to_.

***

_“ **BOKUTO! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!** ”_

_Tetsurou’s voice resonated in the basement of Kotaro’s house. It was a good thing the ace’s parents were not home—but then again, they never were._

_“Don’t yell, Tetsu! You’re hurting my ears!” Kotaro says as he glares at his best friend._

_“You have a person **fucking** gagged and tied, and your worried about your ears?!”_

_Kotaro looks at the form on the floor; wrists tied behind his back, feet tied together with cable ties, a black blindfold on his eyes, and a gag on his mouth. This was definitely not a sight to be taken lightly, and as he thought, Tetsurou wouldn’t be very happy to see this one too._

_“Wait—is that?” Tetsurou inches closer to see who it was, and he takes a step back when he finally realizes it was someone he knew all too well._

_His eyes snap at Kotaro, about to knock some sense in him when he saw how the latter bit his thumb nervously. Tetsurou knew he had to snap some sense in Kotaro. They were going to graduate soon, and the two of them were going to pursue their career in volleyball—and Tetsurou cannot afford to let Kotaro slip just because he was **fucking** infatuated with his junior._

_“Ko. You can’t do this. Dude, this is just **wrong**.” Tetsurou hoped he could at least knock some sense in Kotaro._

_“How is it wrong?” The frosted tipped ace didn’t seem to see anything wrong with what happened, his golden eyes boring into Tetsurou as he looked back. “If it was Tsukki, you’d do the same thing, wouldn’t you, Tetsu?”_

_Tetsurou’s eyes widened at Kotaro’s statement. It was true that he had feelings for the blond middle blocker of Karasuno, but he wouldn’t be like this. Tetsurou had to be careful. He had to choose his words carefully, because he knows what this look means._

_“You have to handle rejections well, Ko. You can’t keep Akaashi here just because he rejected you.” Tetsurou says, trying his best to make Kotaro understand._

_“He **does** love me, Tetsu. Don’t you, Akaashi?”_

_Kotaro’s eyes scanned over Keiji’s shaking form, who nodded his head quickly. The ace looked back at his best friend, a manic look on his face. Tetsurou couldn’t believe what he was hearing from his best friend. **Kotaro had lost his mind**._

***

_“T-Tetsu… Tetsurou… What should I do…? I didn’t mean to do that to Akaashi! He was going to escape!” Kotaro called Tetsurou crying one night—or was it the morning?_

_Tetsurou didn’t even waste time anymore, and went straight to Kotaro’s house. Again, he was alone, and he was in his room this time. It was dark and Tetsurou couldn’t make out what was happening in the room, but with the pale moonlight entering the dark space, he was able to see the red._

_“T-Tetsu… I swear… I didn’t m-mean to—“_

_“K-Kuroo…-san…”_

_Tetsurou’s eyes snapped to where Keiji’s frail body was; wrists bound to the bed, feet spread apart and tied to the bed posts. He was covered in bruises and bites, and red pooled just below his inner thigh. Tetsurou could make out chunk of flesh missing, and that was when the strong coppery scent entered his senses. He felt himself want to throw up._

_“K-Kuroo… san… help—help me… please.”_

_Tetsurou’s thoughts ran back and forth from what he should do with Keiji and Kotaro, to whether he should just run and report it to the police, or if he should help stitch up the setter and keep him alive. But with the way Kotaro called him, the latter seemed pretty shaken up. The sight of Kotaro with tears as he sat beside Keiji trying to stop the bleeding on his thigh was taking a toll on Tetsurou, too._

_“’Kaashi… Akaashi… It’s going to be alright… I’m sorry, I’m sorry… **I’m sorry Akaashi** …” Kotaro’s voice was shaky as he tried his best to wipe the blood, and pressing his palm on the injury. “T-Tetsu… there’s just a lot of b-blood…”_

_Tetsurou had to weigh things thoroughly. Keiji seemed to be bleeding so much, and he must have already lost a lot of blood because of how pale he was. Kotaro, however, was still alive—his best friend was still breathing, albeit looking like he was about to die. Between the two of them, he can only choose one. If he chooses Keiji, Kotaro will be sent to jail, but it’s not guaranteed that the second year will even make it. If he chooses Kotaro, they’ll have to hide Keiji’s body somewhere, and his best friend can continue on with his life and his career in volleyball._

_**Tetsurou had to think of something to save Kotaro.**_

****

***

_“We have to get that blue girl away from (y/n).”_

_Kotaro surprises Tetsurou with the cold tone he had just after the two of them had been laughing about some joke. Deep down, Tetsurou didn’t want anything to do with making you unhappy, and he saw how genuinely happy you were with your best friend. Kotaro, on the other hand, hated the thought of sharing you with someone else—except for Tetsurou, it seemed._

_“Ko, we’re done with talking about this, remember? If she likes us, she’ll come to us herself.” Tetsurou reasons out, hoping that Kotaro wouldn’t push the idea anymore._

_“Aren’t you annoyed with how she’s always around (y/n), Tetsu? It’s like she’s some pesky shadow! Tooru wants her, so he can get her.”_

_Tetsurou never wanted to share you either. But he and Kotaro made a promise years ago that no matter what, if they ended up liking something or someone at the same time, they’d share. Tetsurou had been through enough with Kotaro, but he can’t bring himself to give up on his friend. And based on his own experience, of placing cameras in your home, hacking into your gadgets to keep track of your every move— Tetsurou knew he got it just as bad as Kotaro did. The only difference is that the frost tipped male was more open with it than he was._

_And so a plan was devised, to satiate their hunger and thirst._

***

You waited for Tetsurou to answer, but he had just kept quiet as he continued to stare at you. You didn’t know what he was thinking about, because you can barely see the expression in his face in the dark.

“Tetsurou… please answer me. Where is Eun?”

You can no longer hide the desperation in your voice. Now that you know that Eun’s alive, the only thing that was running through your mind was her safety and how you can find her and take her back to her family. And Tetsurou didn’t seem to like that.

“She’s safe.” Was all he answered, and that didn’t satisfy you at all.

“No, I asked where she is.” You said again, this time adding more authority to your voice.

Tetsurou chuckles darkly. “Baby, don’t think you got some hold on me just because I like you. I’m not Kotaro.”

Your eyes widen. _Like you? Wasn’t he and Kotaro dating?_

“Wait… what?” You asked, confused. “Aren’t you and Kotaro dating? I-I… I don’t understand.”

Yet another batch of questions have been added to your already long list of questions that needed answers, but this was all gone the moment Tetsurou started laughing. Had it been a different situation, you would have thought his laugh was funnier than his joke. But this wasn’t a joke. This man, and his other crazy friend have abducted not only you, but your best friend.

As soon as his laughter died down, Tetsurou looks at you again, this time with hooded eyes.

“You know, baby, you’re so clueless sometimes. Why do you think we’d bring you here? Why do you think we did all these things? You think Ko and I would do this if we didn’t like you? _If we didn’t **love** you?_”

If it was possible to press your back further into the wall, you would have. Tetsurou was already pressing his body very close to you, and you felt claustrophobic. Your hands immediately press against his chest, and with the little force you had left, you tried your best to push him back. He only looks at your poor attempt and gives you his signature lazy smile. You knew damn well he was teasing you.

“You let your guard down because you thought we were different.” Tetsurou says, his teasing tone getting on your nerves.

Your glared at him, and he only chuckles at you as he holds your chin.

“You poor little thing.”

You hated everything that was happening at that moment. You hated feeling weak. _You hated men like him._ Just some months ago, you were thinking about how they were different from the men you’ve met, and they were. Most men you met were narcissistic and proud, but these two were psychotic. And you cursed yourself for not noticing sooner, even though you were usually very observant with the people around you.

“You know, I loved you the moment you sat beside me.” Tetsurou says as he brushed a stray hair behind your ear, his fingers brushing against your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “I loved you the moment you opened that book about sexuality and aggression, and I wondered ‘Is she as sexual and aggressive as what she’s reading?’, but I never asked you, did I?”

You clenched your fists tight into a fist. _What the actual fuck is wrong with him?_ His breath fanned on your ear as he leaned closer, and you turned your head away, not wanting to be closer to him anymore.

“Because I respect you, (y/n). I respect you as a woman and as a person— _and nobody has ever done that to you, right?_ I never wanted to do anything that might hurt you, (y/n). I always thought ‘would (y/n) be okay with this?’, ‘would (y/n) be happy about this?’. You have to understand, that though I love you, Kotaro has my heart too, and following whatever he wants will guarantee your safety—and his.” Tetsurou says and you bite your lip hard enough to draw blood.

You didn’t want to cry in front of Tetsurou. You didn’t want to show him any form of weakness at all. He didn’t deserve to see that now that he’s royally fucked things up even though he said he wouldn’t. Your silence was irritating Tetsurou, and he wouldn’t usually show it, but he’s had enough with being selfless and considerate— _for now_.

He grabs your hair and you let out a pained yelp as he turns your head to face him harshly.

“I **_fucking hate it_** when you act like a brat though, and I kind of wish you wouldn’t do that very often, baby.” He says through gritted teeth, an intensity in his eyes that terrified you.

He leans closer to your face, making it a statement to brush his lips against yours, so you shut your eyes tight. Instead of kissing your lips, he presses a kiss on your forehead, hand still gripping your hair tightly, and you feel tears well in the corner of your eyes. It was normally considered as a sweet gesture, but with his tight grip on your hair, it said otherwise.

“ _I will do anything to make you and Kotaro happy, baby. We’ll take such good care of you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo is definitely the yandere who's just as unstable as Bokuto :((
> 
> thank you for reading! also, thank you so much for 500+ reads! this means a lot to me :))) so instead of ending it at 12 chapters, i'm ending it at 15 (because it'll feel rushed if i end it so suddenly)! keep safe everyone!!
> 
> (also, i just watched the V League Match and it's so good!!)


	11. whatever you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn that the snow was never kind to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// a violent Bokuto :(

Kotaro was used to getting what he wanted. He wasn’t spoiled, his parents weren’t even neglectful, he just got what he wanted because he worked hard for it. That’s why Kotaro grew up with the mindset that if he worked hard on something, he’d definitely get it in the end— _no matter what the cost_. And as he was looking at your sleeping form, he figured that he worked hard enough to get you. You had fallen asleep after your encounter with Tetsurou, and Kotaro offered to look after you while the latter began on the final part of their plan: _your disappearance._

He and Tetsurou have done this numerous times, the two of them already memorized what they had been doing. Well, by numerous times, they only did it thrice. But you have to give credit where credit is due. After all, hiding bodies and keeping people without being suspected are very difficult things. Kotaro often thinks that perhaps one day, someone’s actually going to catch them with what they’re doing—but with his money, and Tetsurou’s influence, there was no way that would happen.

Kotaro sees your figure move, so he stands up from his seat and sits at the edge of the bed. You looked beautiful even at night. Even with the tear tracks on your face, messy hair, and wet lashes. Kotaro smiles softly as he brushes a stray hair out of your face. You were sleeping so peacefully that he was afraid to wake you up. He wanted to have you when he first met you, and he wanted to devour every part of you, but now that he was close—Kotaro couldn’t seem to do it at all.

Your hair reminded him of how soft Keiji’s hair was, and your skin was just as smooth, the shape of your lips reminded him so much of Keiji’s— _he wanted to get a taste_. Everything about you seemed to scream _Akaashi Keiji_ , maybe that’s why Kotaro could never take his eyes off of you. Maybe that’s why he had been so head over heels for you. Your mannerisms; the way you liked to place your hands behind your back when you were casually conversing with him, or the way you give him a slight smile when he tells you jokes. You were everything Keiji was, and wasn’t at the same time.

You were his little contradiction, his little irony—and he fell more and _more_ in love with you with every single day that came by. Kotaro’s smile widens as you sigh in your sleep. You must be dreaming about something good for you to sigh like that. He watches as your eyes open slowly, long eyelashes fluttering gently—and at that moment you looked the most beautiful to Kotaro.

But that serene look on your face immediately disappeared when you realized where you were. Your eyes snap at Kotaro and you scrambled to press yourself further against the headboard.

“Hey, hey, hey… Don’t be scared. It’s me. It’s Kotaro.” He says gently, perhaps hoping you’d calm down.

Your breathing was erratic as fear coursed through your veins again. Kotaro tried to calm you down by rubbing your arm gently, but you pulled it back before he can even touch you. This surprises him.

“What’s wrong? I’m here, you don’t have to be scared.”

“B-Bokuto-san… Wh-where am I?” you ask, hoping you’d get some answer from him.

He gives you a gentle smile, although it looked more predatory to you.

“You’re somewhere safe, don’t worry.”

You shake your head slowly. Kotaro knew you were going to ask for a specific place.

“Am I in your place? In K-Kuroo-san’s place?” you ask again, and Kotaro shakes his head.

“You don’t have to worry, (y/n). You’re safe. You don’t need to know where you are.”

Kotaro watched as you covered your mouth with your hand and looked at the sheets. Your shoulders were shaking as he heard faint sobs coming from you. It broke his heart to see you cry, but Kotaro didn’t fully acknowledge that it was because of him and Tetsurou. He fully sits on the bed in front of you, and he embraces you. It surprised him that you didn’t fight back, and instead you cried harder in his arms. _Kotaro never knew it felt like this to be the one to protect someone he loved._

He wrapped his arms around your smaller frame and rubbed your back gently. That was when the door opened, and Kotaro looks to see a surprised Tetsurou standing there carrying a tray of food.

“She’s awake?” Tetsurou asks as he enters the room and places the food on the table.

“Yeah, just for a few minutes.” Kotaro had a smile on his face as he brushed through your hair while you cried.

Tetsurou settles on the other side of the bed, just looking at his best friend calm you down. A part of Tetsurou had wanted to rip you out of Kotaro’s arms and be the one to comfort you, but he thought against it. It was the best choice to have Kotaro hold you first, that way Tetsurou can be assured that the silver haired male won’t try anything after that, _because once Kotaro has had his fill, he won’t need any more for a little while._

***

You woke up in a cold room. Your head hurt and your throat was dry. _What time was it? Where were you?_ When you opened your eyes, you were met with an unfamiliar room, and that’s when everything sank in. _Tetsurou, Kotaro, Tooru, Eun—_ everything. You probably had spent the last few hours crying, because of how puffy and dry your eyes felt. First, you made sure that you were okay. Physically, you were fine—no scars, bruises, or broken legs. Mentally, not quite, but you knew you had to gather your thoughts if you wanted to get out of that place alive. Tetsurou and Kotaro weren’t in the room either, and you weren’t tied to the bed like you thought you would be. There was food and water on the table, but you knew better than to eat or drink any of it.

After making sure that you were still in one piece, you scanned the room for anything you can use to get out. You were sure that the door was locked, or that the windows were bolted, so you had to find a way out of there. With the darkness outside, you thought it was probably past midnight. There was no clock in the room, and the wrist watch you wore wasn’t with you anymore. _This was their way of locking you out._

You checked all drawers, but they were all empty of anything blunt that could be used to break the windows, and only held clothes. You cringed at all of them that had probably been bought before you were brought here. A frown formed on your lips as you slowly paced the room, thinking of something. You went by the window and knocked on the glass, it seemed brittle. You went back to the drawers and wrapped cloth on your fist tightly. Taking a deep breath, you punched the window— _once, twice, thrice—_ it shatters into pieces, some shards sticking on your knuckles. But you had no time to cry about that, now was the time to get out. You felt outside of the window, for any latch—usually windows like these kept secret latches outside, and surely you found one.

The cold breeze of the air hit your face, snow was falling like it had just a few hours ago— _when everything was still okay._ You didn’t mind whatever you were wearing, if you’ll catch a cold, who cares. That would be the least of your worries. The only thing that matters at that moment was you being alive. And surely, standing in the second floor of some house made you feel more alive than you ever did. Without looking back, you slowly made it to the ledge where a pipeline was located. Carefully, you climbed down, but no matter how careful you were, the snow would always be harsh on you. The last thing you remembered was falling with a soft thump. The small pile of snow must have softened the blow. Looking at your side, you see white. Looking up, you still see white. Despite the slight pain you felt, you stood up and made your way to the gate.

The walls were high and so was the gate. This was a rich neighborhood, and whoever lived in this house definitely was helping Kotaro and Tetsurou to keep you in. Whoever they were, you were sure you’d bring them down—you had to. You forgot the pain in your lower back as you walked to the gate— _freedom was just a few steps away._

All thoughts disappeared from your mind as you opened your gate to freedom, but just as soon as your freedom came, it disappeared. Strong arms encircled around your waist and pulled you inside, a scream immediately left your lips, but it was covered by calloused hands. The gates were locked, eyes of melted bronze looked at you, like that of a predator stalking its prey.

You forgot about the pain, and adrenaline just coursed through your veins. _Fight or flight—and you knew you would fight._ With Kotaro’s physique, you probably had less chances of hurting him, but you knew you had to try. You bit at his palm hardly, enough to draw blood, and Kotaro lets go of his hold on your mouth. You take that as a chance to step on his foot, elbowed him twice on his side and he loses his grip on your waist, before you elbowed his face— _you swear you broke his nose._

“You’re fucking crazy if you think I’m just going to let you take me. You’re both going to have to fight me.” You say, as you went in your stance, ready to defend yourself.

Tetsurou was standing by the gate, tense and you almost felt proud— _if only it was you he was looking at_. You looked in front of you to see a fuming Kotaro; bloodied nose, red faced, and jaw clenched. His golden eyes were terrifying in that light.

“Ko. Calm down. It’s a natural response, she’ll fight back. It’s normal.” Tetsurou says, taking slow steps towards you and Kotaro.

Kotaro didn’t say anything, and neither did you. If this man wanted to take you— _he’d have to take your dead body_.

“If you think, for one _fucking second_ that I won’t fight back for my freedom, you’re wrong.” You said through gritted teeth, anger seeping in your veins.

“ ** _Keiji_** _never fought back._ ”

Your ears perked up at the statement. Where did you hear that name again? Where had you heard that name? Then memories of all the articles you’ve read came back to your mind. All the interviews you’ve watched, and that documentary you’ve spent days watching.

“ _Akaashi Keiji—second year setter in Fukurodani Academy. **Disappeared with no traces**. Bokuto Kotaro one of his closest friends and upperclassman, was considered a suspect for his disappearance. However, Bokuto had a strong alibi during the time of Akaashi’s disappearance. Kuroo Tetsurou and Oikawa Tooru, also common friends of both Bokuto and Akaashi, had testified that the 18-year old male was with them, having a scheduled practice 3 on 3 with Iwaizumi Hajime, Haiba Lev, and Kozume Kenma, at the time. The search for the missing Akaashi Keiji is still going on as we speak.”_

And suddenly everything came dawning on you. Eun and Keiji disappearing with no traces, and only messages and emails were sent to family members using their gadgets, but with their locations untraceable. No signs of breaking and entering in their homes or apartments. Stalkers reported, and caught, but you were sure they were wrongly charged. Kotaro being a suspect for Keiji’s disappearance, but with Tetsurou and Tooru standing as witness for his solid alibi, he was released from questioning. Past charges and future charges filed against Kotaro were nulled.

_Everything suddenly made sense._

“Y-you… _You killed Akaashi Keiji._ ”

If it were possible to have the silver haired male terrify you more, you would have been. First was Keiji, and then Eun, and now **_you_**. The way Kotaro clenched his jaw scared you to a point that you already felt your knees shaking, but you kept your stance. His eyes bore deep into yours, never breaking contact once.

“I didn’t _kill_ Keiji.” Was all he said, his voice deep, and though it sounded calm, you knew anger lurked deep inside.

You felt Tetsurou’s presence behind you, and you turned around to hit him, only to be grabbed by Kotaro and slammed against the hard ground. His strength was overpowering, and the impact of your head on the concrete almost made you black out immediately.

“Bokuto! Don’t **_fucking_** hurt her!” Tetsurou’s angry voice came as he pried Kotaro’s arms off of you.

You felt lightheaded at that moment, and you feel something trickling down your face. If you could move your hand, you would have. But everything seemed to spin, and suddenly the world was colder than it was. You heard distant voices shouting, slowly fading away as your sight faded into black. The last thing you remembered was being carried in someone’s arms, and you were sure it wasn’t Kotaro with how gentle they held you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! sorry this update took so long, uni started already and i'm still getting used to the schedule. i hope you liked this chapter! keep safe!


	12. you're so fucking special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were only three people in the world; _Eun, Keiji, and you._ And you all had something in common.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw//mentions of violence
> 
> a little bit of Bokuto x Kuroo in this chapter :>

Tetsurou had been pacing the room for longer than he had planned. Everything was going smoothly, and he just left for a little while only to have you try and escape. Tetsurou knew you would try to escape, he knew you had some fight in you, but he didn’t expect you to fight Kotaro one on one. You managed to bruise his right side and make his nose bleed— _but you didn’t exactly break it._ Still, Tetsurou gives you credit for that. He knew how Kotaro would be violent the moment Keiji was brought up, so as much as possible, he hadn’t mentioned to the golden eyed man about your own research on Keiji, other than the fact that Tooru had told you about him already.

But Tetsurou didn’t think you would piece everything together that quickly. They made sure to make some inconsistencies with Keiji’s disappearance, and with Eun’s, so he didn’t think you’d still catch on. You were back in the house, this time in a different room since they couldn’t have you staying in the same room you escaped in. Tetsurou stayed in the room to look after you, while Kotaro was back in his room trying to calm his senses. The impact of your head against the ground was hard, and Tetsurou cringes every time he remembers how it happened.

***

_“Bokuto! Don’t **fucking** hurt her!” Tetsurou was quick to grab Kotaro’s arms and pried them off of your body._

_He pushes the silver haired male as he looks back at your unmoving form. His sight turned black when he saw blood on your head. Angrily, he faces Kotaro and shoves him further away from you, the latter still not managing to calm down as he glares at Tetsurou._

_**“DON’T YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE?! SHE COULD HAVE DIED!”** Tetsurou yells as he grabs Kotaro’s collar, anger was very much evident on his handsome features._

_“She brought up someone she shouldn’t have! **AND** **I DIDN’T KILL KEIJI! HE’S STILL ALIVE!** ” Kotaro was just as angry as his cat-eyed friend, but he didn’t hit Tetsurou nor grab his collar. His hands were simply balled into fists at his side._

_Tetsurou growls at the statement, knowing full well that Kotaro was still in denial after all those years._

_“You didn’t kill Keiji. **You ate him**.”_

_That made Kotaro snap. His eyes were wide as he looked at Tetsurou. He sees how tears have already welled in the bedhead’s eyes. It was seldom that Tetsurou cried, but when he does, that means he’s had enough._

_“You lost Keiji because you **ate** him, Bo. You finished every single part of him and I watched you! I **fucking** watched you! That boy could have been with us right now! He could have been a setter for some team—he could have been just like us!” Tetsurou says, his voice cracking as the tears finally fall._

_It had been years, and it was only that time that it dawned on him. How heavy it was to watch one of his friends die by the hands of his own best friend. It felt worse to try and sleep at night when he knew he played a big part in an innocent boy’s death. It ate up Tetsurou every time he remembered what Keiji looked like when he last saw him— **missing limbs, bites taken in every part of his body, his eye sockets hollow and---**_

**** _“Tetsu… I’m sorry.”_

_Kotaro’s voice takes him out of his thoughts, and for once he was grateful. He was grateful to hear those words after 4 cruel years. He feels Kotaro’s warm hands on his face, wiping away his tears as he felt his own heart clench. Kotaro had to know that this time around, it would be different. So Tetsurou holds his hand, tightly, ignoring how Kotaro must have winced at the pain of his already bleeding hand._

_“If you lay another hand on her. If you **fucking dare** to hurt her and make her bleed without me knowing,” Kotaro notes the way Tetsurou’s eyes matched his. That tenacious look on his best friend’s face. That very look that made him welcome Tetsurou into his life._

_**“I will fucking kill you, Bokuto Kotaro.”**_

***

Tetsurou looks at you while you lay in bed. He changed your clothes into something warmer, and cleaned the wounds on your knuckles before bandaging them, then he did the same thing to your head. There was still blood seeping through the bandages, but he knew he still couldn’t change them. You had to rest first. Tetsurou’s mind was just filled with thoughts of you; how you said he made you feel safe, and that you were happy you met him and Kotaro. He never wanted this to happen. True, he’s done his fair share of hurting you, but he’s never physically hurt you—nor did he plan to.

You were precious to Tetsurou. You gave him a sense of purpose when he felt like he didn’t have one anymore. After four years of suffering quietly, and passively trying to live by his life— _you arrived_. You were his miracle. His _savior_. He would do anything to keep you safe, and at that moment, even though his heart clenched at the thought; Tetsurou knew he would be willing to put down Kotaro just for you.

“Tetsu…”

His head snaps to the door. Kotaro stands outside, eyes not meeting Tetsurou’s as he stares at his feet. His hands fiddled with the poorly wrapped bandage on his wound. The middle blocker sees just how broken Kotaro was at that moment, and it hurt him more than he thought it would.

“T-Tetsu, can we talk?” Kotaro asks, this time looking at Tetsurou.

His eyes were welling with tears, nose red, and cheeks flushed; Tetsurou knew he had been crying.

“Come in.”

And he does. He closes the door behind him slowly, careful not to wake you, then makes his way to where Tetsurou was seated. There was another chair in the room, but he had preferred to stand in front of the bedhead. Kotaro was silent for a few seconds, and opened his mouth to speak, only for a choked cry to come out.

“I… I’m sorry… Tetsu… I-I know how much (y/n) means to you…” He says, his tears falling again.

Despite the way his heart clenched, Tetsurou kept a straight face as he looked at Kotaro, waiting for him to continue.

“I didn’t mean to hurt (y/n)… I’d never want to hurt (y/n)… Tetsu please. Just talk to me, _please_ … Don’t leave me in my room… Don’t make me hear their voices again, Tetsu… _please_ … _I need you and (y/n) in my life.”_ Kotaro pleads as he kneels on the floor in front of Tetsurou’s spread legs.

He fit in between them, and laid his head on Tetsurou’s thigh as he cried. Tetsurou notes how disheveled Kotaro’s hair was, and how his bandaging and first aid on his own wounds weren’t the best. His fingers combed through Kotaro’s frosted tipped hair, massaging his scalp to keep him calm as he was crying quite hard. Kotaro rubbed his cheek on Tetsurou’s thigh as he neared his crotch, and Tetsurou feels the pressure building in the lower parts of his body. Kotaro looks up at him with his golden eyes and lashes wet from crying.

“Please… _Tetsurou, I’m sorry… I love you and I love (y/n)…_ ”

Kotaro peppered kisses on Tetsurou’s thighs, before embracing his torso. The taller male holds Kotaro’s chin and lifts his head up to meet his eyes once again. His heart melts at that gesture.

“I know, Ko. I know you love us both. And I love you too, trust me. I really do. But I love (y/n) as well, and I don’t want you hurting her, or her hurting you.” Tetsurou says as he rubs his thumb on Kotaro’s face affectionately, the latter leaning into his touch.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I only keep thinking about Keiji—“

“Hey, it’s alright, Bo. It’s okay.” Tetsurou hushes Kotaro as he leans closer. “But Keiji is gone, and what we have now,” He gestures at your sleeping form. “What we have now is precious too, Bo. _(Y/n) is precious not only to me, but to you as well._ ”

Kotaro nods his head as he leans closer to Tetsurou, their lips inches away, and soon they lock in a kiss. Tetsurou wasn’t sure who’s tears he tasted, but he was glad that things would work out fine. Even if you would take a long time to accept both of their love, Tetsurou and Kotaro knew they had all the time in the world.

“ _No matter what happens, we got each other, Bo. And we have (y/n).”_

***

_It felt like you were drowning._

You woke up in a dark place; no furniture, no windows, no lights. It was a miracle that you can still manage to walk a bit, careful not to bump into anything. You wanted to call out, to say something, but you couldn’t seem to say anything. The air was heavy, and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. It was beginning to get colder, so you walked forward, unsure of where you’d end up, but at least it wouldn’t be in the cold—right?

_“Hello?”_ a voice was calling out.

Your ears perked up and tried to remember where you heard that voice. You followed its source as it continued calling out, mostly saying incoherent things. It felt like you were just walking endlessly, but you didn’t feel yourself getting tired, for some reason. But, instead of the cold disappearing, it became worse. You rubbed your hands in a pitiful attempt to keep yourself from being too cold, but it wasn’t working. You opened your mouth to speak again, but what came out was just a weak and broken sound of what you were supposed to call _‘hello’_.

_“(y/n)? Is that you?”_

That voice was so familiar, but you weren’t sure where you’d heard it. There was light further away from you, and if you can only run towards it, you would have—but you couldn’t. Your legs felt heavier with every step, and you felt yourself inhale the cold air in that place, and it hurt your lungs with every breath.

_“(y/n)? Dude, honestly, quit playing around.”_

You had to get there. You can sense the panic in the owner’s voice, and though you didn’t know who they were, there was a part of you that screamed that you should go and help them. So you force yourself to run, albeit weakly.

_“W-what are you doing in my house?”_

Who were they talking to? You had no memories on what was happening, but you just had to go— _maybe you can save them if you reached the light_.

**_Please! Please! Just wait for me! I—I’ll get there soon!_**

You silently pleaded to whoever it was. You can hear things being knocked out of their place, and heavy footsteps. You felt panic rise in your chest and you felt your heart drop when you heard the owner of the voice scream— _it was a woman_.

_“Let go of me! Let go! **Help**! **(y/n)**!”_

Your heart dropped when she called your name. _Why was she calling you? Why can’t you remember anything?_ You hear her voice being muffled, and she was crying, pleading, fighting back to whoever it was that had broken in her home. The closer you thought you were getting to the light, the farther it went from you. It irritated you. It made you feel helpless that you can’t do anything to help her. Tears pooled in your eyes as you opened your mouth to call out to her, a name you know you’ve heard before, trying to come out of your lips.

Then just as you were about to reach it, you see a glimpse of her— _blue hair and blue eyes_. But just as soon as you saw her, she was pulled away by a brunet with a devious smile.

_“ **EUN!!!** ”_

***

It felt like you had been sitting in the darkness for hours. You hadn’t stopped crying since then. All you could remember was her screams and how she had been thrashing around just to survive. You still didn’t have any idea on what was happening, and you wanted answers. It felt like you were all alone at that moment, and you were. You couldn’t remember anything or anyone, and nothing made sense. It was cold, and that little sweater you had been wearing was the only thing keeping you from freezing yourself.

“ _You look cold._ ”

You heard a voice, and you whipped around to see a boy with the rarest metal blue eyes. His hair was a soft mop that almost resembled a raven’s feathers, and it was a little wavy. His face was pale, and he had the prettiest lips you had ever seen. He wore an unfamiliar jersey of gold, black, and white, with the number 5. _A volleyball player._

“Are you alright?” He asks as he sits beside you, eyes filled with concern.

“I’m sorry… I really don’t remember how I got here…” You respond in between hiccups.

He gives you a soft smile, before wrapping his arms around his legs pressed up to his knees.

“Me neither.”

You looked at him as he stares straight ahead, not exactly looking at anything but the darkness. He looked oddly familiar, but then again, everything and everyone looked familiar to you at the moment— _but you never remembered their names._

“How long have you been here?” You ask, wiping your tears with the back of your hand.

“Long enough.” He wasn’t a man of many words, but his company was better than no company at all.

You sat in silence for a while, and you began to calm down. _It was relaxing to have someone with you_. Being in the darkness was something you hadn’t really been fond of, that was something you learned in the hours of sitting there. Your mind and your thoughts were scrambled, and it was hard to try and remember things that you just didn’t have any memory on.

_“_ You look troubled.” He asks again, this time looking at you as he lays his head on his knees.

_His eyes were beautiful._

“I just can’t remember anything.”

“Me either. It feels like I’ve been here for such a long time. It’s good to have someone else here.”

He gives you the slightest smile, and you feel yourself smile back.

“I’m (y/n). What’s your name?”

_“Akaashi Keiji.”_

That name sounded familiar. It’s like you’ve heard of it countless times, but you couldn’t exactly remember where, so you just sat there looking at him. He just smiles at you, and somewhere behind that smile, you can see sadness lurking.

“Akaashi…” you repeated softly, and his eyes look at your parted lips.

“Yeah _… Akaashi.”_ He repeats, his voice like silk, his hand gentle as his long fingers brush against your lips.

_They were cold._

You were silent for a moment, just looking at Akaashi’s eyes, and somehow getting lost in the rare metal blue color. His fingers still brushing against your lips.

“You’re warm.”

“You’re cold.”

He humors this and gives you a soft chuckle. Then his fingers touch a part of your head that made you wince. He pulls back his hand gently, and gives you a sad look.

“Your head. That’s where you were hit?”

“What?” Your voice cracked, and you cleared your throat before repeating your question.

_“_ I made up a little theory, that when you’re here, the part of your body that hurts, is the part that delivered the final blow.” Akaashi says, his eyes glazed with sadness.

Curiosity got the better of you, and before you could stop yourself, you asked him;

“Which part of you hurts, Akaashi?”

He was surprised, and kept his hands to himself this time. His eyes look far ahead again, and you forget the little pain that you had in your head. There was something about Akaashi that made you sad. He was such a beautiful boy, and he was so gentle. If he was in this place— _could that mean that he was dead?_ Wait. **_Were you dead too?_**

_“Everything hurts, (y/n). But the part that hurts the most, is here…”_

Akaashi takes your hand and places it on top of his chest—where his beating heart should have been. It was unknown to you why you had started crying at that moment, but your tears fell as you looked at him. It hurt you, knowing that the final blow must have ended him almost immediately.

“I’m sorry Akaashi…” you didn’t know why you were apologizing, but it felt right to.

He gave you a sad smile as his cold hand cradles your face, thumb wiping away the tears that fell. There was so much sadness behind his eyes, and it hurt you to sit there and look at them, while the palm of your hand pressed up on the chest of a young boy without a beating heart. _You didn’t even realize that perhaps your heart had also stopped beating already._

 _“You’re too kind, (y/n). You didn’t deserve this.”_ He says, and your shoulders shake.

You shake your head as your hand holds his. _They were so, **so** cold. _How could he sit there and say those things to you, when you could feel all his sadness? _He_ didn’t deserve whatever happened to him. If this was purgatory, and one of you had to go first, you would ask for them to take him first. He was _so young_. This boy was so young and fragile, unlike you— _you could defend yourself. You’ve lived a good life you could be proud of,_ but this boy had looked so young, he could have had so many dreams he could reach.

_“You didn’t deserve what happened to you.”_

“Do you remember what happened to you, Akaashi?” You ask, hoping that perhaps you weren’t the only one who was lost.

“ _I do, but sometimes I don’t. Maybe that’s why I can’t move on just yet. There’s just some questions I need answered.”_

That confirmed one of your suspicions, perhaps you both _are_ dead. For the first time in what seemed liked the longest hours that you had been sitting there, you felt calm. You hadn’t noticed that the two of you sat closer to each other, your head on his shoulder, and your fingers intertwined. There was something about Akaashi that drew you closer, like the two of you had some _similarity_ , something you hadn’t found out yet.

Then your eyes closed slowly, your breathing calmed, lulled to sleep by the humming of the beautiful young boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are with chapter 12!! thank you so much for reading! i feel like this isn't the best chapter i've written :(( the little interaction with (y/n) and akaashi was written when i was listening to 'The Lake', so i got pretty carried away. i feel sad now, (y/n) lived a sad life :((((
> 
> (updates will be a little all over the place, since uni started, but i'm getting the last few chapters done. i can't believe we reached more than 600 reads! this means so much to me, so thank you so much for reading!!)


	13. i wish i was special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kotaro sees ghosts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// mentions of suicide, hallucinations

Kotaro has lived with guilt for the past 4 years. He has lived in denial, too. Denial that Keiji was gone, and there was no way he was going back. In those 4 years, he managed to delude himself into thinking that the setter was just in his room, or in his cabinet—places where he would usually find him before. Kotaro had spent those 4 years talking either to himself, or to _apparitions_ of Keiji who would come to haunt him in the night. Tetsurou knows about this too, and even if he wanted to take that away from Kotaro, the ex-captain of Nekoma had his own demons to face as well.

Then when Kotaro met you, he thought he could get rid of these thoughts of Keiji—and at some point he did. There were days where Keiji’s shadows would not even bother him, the voice calling out in the dark was ignored, and that continued for weeks long. But that day, they were especially loud.

_“You killed her, Bokuto-san.”_

_“You **killed** her.”_

_“You bashed her head against the concrete, didn’t you? Kuroo-san is so tired of you already. He’s done enough to cover up everything you did. **Everything you did to me.** ”_

Kotaro covers his ears as he sits at the foot of his bed, the darkness in his room looking more terrifying than it usually did. Tetsurou had left him alone that night, so that he can reflect on what he did. And his hands shook every time he remembers the strength he used on you—it was enough to make you stop moving.

_“You killed her too, Bokuto-san. **Just like me.** ”_

He feels the ghost of Keiji’s arms drape on his shoulders from the back. It was cold where Keiji touched him, and it gave him chills. He feels the younger boy inch closer, and he could feel his breath so close to his ear. Had it been in a different circumstance, Kotaro would have been happy— _but hallucinating about your dead junior wasn’t exactly a scenario that would make you happy, now would it?_

_“She was so much like me, wasn’t she, Bokuto-San?”_

Kotaro could feel the slightest movement of Keiji’s lips.

_“She was so innocent and clueless when you first met her, much like me. And you wanted her to be yours right away. You didn’t even bother to think about Kuroo-san, even if he was the first to have met her.”_

“Th-that’s not true… Tetsu… Tetsu said it was okay…” Kotaro’s voice shakes as he responds.

_“Was it, though?”_ Keiji was teasing him, the slightest of a toying smile evident in his ghost of a face. _“I’m sure Kuroo-san didn’t even want to share. You didn’t want to share me to anyone either, not even to that poor boy who was wrongly charged because of you. Because of what **you** did to me.” _

The silver haired male felt Keiji disappear from his position behind him, and suddenly he was in front of him. The pale moonlight enters the room, and Kotaro can see Keiji’s ghost in front of him— _beautiful, young,_ and he looked so **_alive_**.

_“Bokuto-san, admit it. You wanted her dead when she brought me up, because no one can ever replace me, right?”_ Keiji sits on his lap, straddling him and wrapping his smaller arms around Kotaro’s neck. _“I will **always** be the one you’ll look for.”_

Kotaro closes his eyes as he feels his blood run cold. _Keiji was gone. Keiji was gone. Keiji was **gone.**_ Whatever he was seeing was all a part of his imagination— _right? **Holy shit he was going crazy.**_

_“Now that she’s here, Kuroo-san will leave you for her. You’ll be all alone, Bokuto-san. But you can follow me, you can be with me, Bokuto-san.”_ Keiji’s long finger tips Kotaro’s head to look at him.

**_“We can finally be together, Bokuto-san.”_**

It was tempting, Kotaro was tempted. And while the pendulum of his mind slowly swung back and forth from sanity and insanity, he remembers Tetsurou’s warmth. He remembers Tetsurou’s face—how the latter always took it slowly with him, but never held back to tell him the truth. _Tetsurou was alive. He was with you. **You were alive, too**_. It wasn’t too late for Kotaro to fix things. _He can still fix things_. So he stood up, ignoring Keiji’s calls, ignoring the shadows, ignoring the cold that was slowly making its way out of his system—replaced by the warmth of Tetsurou and _you_.

***

“ _No matter what happens, we got each other, Bo. And we have (y/n).”_

Just after Tetsurou had said that, they looked at you. It had been quiet, and they couldn’t seem to hear you breathing in the silence of the room.

“(y/n)?” Tetsurou was the first to call out your name, and Kotaro turns around to look at you.

They both walk to the side of the bed, carefully taking in your appearance. The blood on the bandages Tetsurou had put on you was seeping— _holy shit…_

“T-Tetsu… She’s not breathing… Tetsu…” Kotaro says as he watches the way your chest would rise and fall faintly. You were still breathing, but in a few moments, you wouldn’t be anymore.

It felt like the world stopped for them at that moment, and even Tetsurou wasn’t able to think straight. Kotaro’s hands were shaking when he held your hand— _it was cold and limp_.

“T-Tetsu—“

“Call for a doctor now, Ko.”

And Kotaro did. Their family doctor soon comes to the house, despite it being so early in the morning. Tetsurou did all the explaining—or most of making up the story. The doctor of course, had to ask what happened to your knuckles, and what happened to Kotaro’s bleeding hand and nose.

“It was an accident. Bo was trying to stop her from killing herself.” Was all Tetsurou said, and the doctor presses on more.

Kotaro made sure to keep quiet while the rest of the nurses entered the room to put your body on a stretcher and into the ambulance while making sure your vitals weren’t going any lower. Kotaro’s eyes followed them, and he wanted to come after, but the doctor stopped him.

“Bokuto-san.”

Kotaro looks at her, and the golden eyed man knew that he was going to be apprehended, or asked.

“Bokuto-san, I think it’s best if you and Kuroo-san stay here while we get her stabilized. I’ll be sure to give you a call the moment her vitals are steady.” She says, stern. “I’ll check in with her therapist too, I’m sure she can give more insight on her current condition, and on this.”

Kotaro was about to say something, but he sees the way Tetsurou was sitting on his chair earlier, face in his palms and his shoulders were shaking. So he closes his mouth and nods. Soon, the sound of the ambulance had faded and disappeared. Kotaro makes his way to where Tetsurou was seated, and kneels in front of him.

“Tetsu…”

He was sure the latter was mad at him. That he was going to be blamed. _Because he was the one who bashed your head on the concrete._

“I’m sorry…”

Tetsurou removes his hands from his face, and Kotaro’s eyes water at the sight of his best friend crying.

“Ko… if she dies… what will we do?” His voice was weak, and it trembled.

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t, Tetsu… for you, for her, for _us_... I promise…” Kotaro says as he holds Tetsurou’s hands in his. They were cold and trembling. “I’ll arrange to have her in a private room, no one can see her until she’s steady. I’ll make sure of it, Tetsu…”

Money was not a problem for Kotaro. He had more than enough of it. He can lose it and still get it back, but losing you and Tetsurou _—that’s something he can never get back_.

***

They visited you every day as soon as your vitals were steady. Kotaro watched as your parents cried while they embraced you—you were unconscious. They had bombarded both Tetsurou and Kotaro on what happened, and why you ended up in a coma, and it was mostly Tetsurou who did the talking. Kotaro wasn’t sure what he might end up saying, it was better the more reasonable out of them two of them did the explaining for the moment.

_“It was an accident, (s/n)-san. I’m very sorry. I take full responsibility for what happened.”_ Tetsurou apologizes as he bows in respect, but they only hear your mother’s crying.

_“An accident, Tetsurou? What happened to my daughter?”_

Kotaro just listens to Tetsurou as he explains over and over again, making sure that he doesn’t have any inconsistencies. Your father was a prosecutor, he knew what kind of people this man usually faced, _and Kotaro can’t have the man thinking that Tetsurou and him were one of them_.

After going over and over with the details, your father seemed to have bought it, especially with Kotaro’s family doctor and your therapist explaining your situation and the little details behind it. Your mother had been crying that whole time, and your father consoling her. Your older brother blamed himself for not following up on you every time you were home, or if you were okay. Your older sister had wanted to be the one in charge of looking after you until you were okay, but her job didn’t allow her seeing as she was overseas.

It had been six long months since you were in that hospital. Six long months of waiting for you to wake up, and the two of them looked forward to every day that came, hoping that you would show signs of consciousness. The seasons changed; the snow was gone, spring came, and summer arrived—but you were still sleeping. Not once did Kotaro want to leave your side, but he and Tetsurou had other things they had to do; _like volleyball and their classes_.

And on the 6th of June, when the rain was pouring heavily outside, you finally opened your eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading chapter 13!! i enjoyed writing Akaashi and Bokuto's interaction, although it was kind of sad :((( i hope you liked this chapter! keep safe everyone!!
> 
> kudos and comments are very much appreciated! :>


	14. what the hell am i doing here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where your story ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// mentions of depression, suicide

You gasped as you woke up, a headache making itself known the moment you opened your eyes. You looked around to take in your surroundings, but they were unfamiliar. You tried moving, but every part of your body hurt. You heard the beeping of an EKG machine, and you looked beside you to see some wires hooked on your body and some needles stuck to your right arm—probably fluids to keep you hydrated. The room was dimly lit, and it seemed to be owned by someone with quite a lot of money because of the furniture. There was a window at the corner, the curtains were tied to the side and you can see it was dark outside. There was no snow, but it was raining quite hard.

Usually, you would panic if you woke up to a place you didn’t know. But with all the questions in your mind, and the terrible headache you had, you barely had time to do that. _You didn’t know where you were or why you were there._ The pain in your body didn’t allow you to move as much. The door creaked open and your head slowly turns to see a nurse walk inside.

“(S/n)-san, you’re awake.” She says, surprised, and she immediately calls the doctor. _Were you at a hospital? Why **were** you at the hospital?_

The doctor soon enters the room to check on you, and she says some things to the nurse which you didn’t exactly catch, when the door opens again. Two men walk inside, one with raven colored hair that reminded you for a rooster’s comb, and another one with silver and black streaks, reminding you of a horned owl. _You didn’t know who they were_.

“Bokuto-san, Kuroo-san. This is a perfect timing. (S/n)-san is finally awake.”

_Bokuto and Kuroo, they were called_. They had handsome features, and were at towering heights, although the black haired male was taller, but the one with streaks had a much muscular build. They both went to you slowly, and you didn’t flinch away for some reason. _It felt like you knew them._

“B-Bokuto? Kuroo?” You repeated their names, your voice was hoarse and it hurt to even speak. They hold on to your hand gently, careful not to hurt you. You were surprised when they both did, so you pulled your hand back weakly, and they let you.

“Yeah, yeah. Baby, it’s us. You remember us?” The black haired male asks, his hazel eyes melting at the sight of you. “I’m Kuroo, and this is Bokuto. You remember?”

Your head hurt to think, and you winced. _Why were those names so familiar?_ Bokuto, the one with the streaks, sends you a concerned look as he gently holds your hand again, his thumb rubs at the skin of your hand affectionately. Their attention was called by the doctor, giving them instructions to not bombard you with so much information. That it was best to take things slow.

“(S/n)-san, how are you feeling right now?” The doctor asks first, and you tried to talk, but your throat was dry and your voice was hoarse.

Bokuto was quick to grab water on the table and hand it over to you, which you drank slowly.

“I-I’m just confused… I don’t remember anything…” was your response, the pain in your head evident again. “How long have I been here?”

“We’ll answer your questions one by one, (s/n)-san. You’re not allowed to have so much information presented to you at the moment, lest your headache will become worse. Though, I will have to explain your condition to you right now so you don’t feel as lost. You have permanent retrograde amnesia, caused by a serious injury to your brain. You might not remember any events from before… _it_ happened, and it would be great if you took things slow with trying to remember anything. The memories will not come back right away, so Bokuto-san and Kuroo-san, please take it slow with making (s/n)-san remember.”

You felt yourself starting to panic. _Was it an accident? Where were your parents? Were they still alive? How long were you there—_

“Ngh!” You winced in pain as you felt another throb in your head.

“Hey, hey, hey. Take it slow, babe. Take it slow.” You hear Bokuto coo as he rubbed your back gently while Kuroo spoke with the doctor. “We’re here, Kuroo and I are here.”

The door closes and you’re left with the two men in the room. The headache must have been too much because you ended up tearing up and crying. Everything was overwhelming, and you didn’t know anything that was happening. It felt like gravity didn’t work and the world was spinning so fast, you wanted to vomit. You didn’t who these men were, why you were there—well an _incident_ —where your parents were, or if they knew you were there.

“Hey, angel. Hey. Look at me. Look at me.” Kuroo’s voice came as he gently cupped your face, stroking your skin affectionately with his thumb. “You’re going to be okay now. Bo and I are here.”

You look at him as you felt yourself take in shallow breaths and your fingers ran cold as you trembled. Bokuto sat beside you as he continued rubbing your back gently. _Why were they calling you pet names? Were they dating you? **Who are these men?**_

“Breathe with me, princess. Come on.” He says, as he breathes slowly. “In and out. In and out. Slowly, princess.”

Despite your confusion, you followed their instruction, feeling the pain and the tightness in your chest disappear slowly as you steadied your breathing and closed your eyes.

“That’s it. That’s our girl.” Kuroo coos as he plants a kiss on your forehead when you slowly calmed down. “I know you have a lot of questions baby, but they’ll have to wait.”

He looks at you, and you melt at the sight of his eyes.

“Can you do that for me and Bo? Can you wait?”

You nod and you are engulfed in a warm embrace by the two of them.

“I…”

Your voice was soft, but Kuroo and Bokuto pulled away to look at you. Kuroo hands you some water again, and you take it from him before saying a soft thank you.

“I only have one question.” You said, and they both perked up.

“Okay, doll. Ask away.” Kuroo was the one to answer.

“ _Where’s Eun?”_

***

Rain was something that had comforted you, it became your constant company during the times you stayed in the hospital. During those lonely days, you would remember things from when you were younger, up to the time you were in your last year in middle school. Then everything else had been a blurry scene of memories. You couldn’t remember faces or names, and your mother had always visited you, bringing you little things that could help you with your memories.

“Darling, do you remember this?” She asks as she shows you another photo album of when you were young.

It was you playing in the snow. There was a lot of things you remembered fondly about the snow— _your first winter, first white Christmas, first snow man—_ everything. And it would have been all innocent, if only you didn’t keep remembering drops of blood and melted snow on concrete.

“I do, mom. I do.” You give your mother a small smile as you held the photo album, flipping the pages and looking at more photos.

Your mother told you things about Eun, since you asked so much about her when your condition had been stable. And your mother was kind enough to answer all your questions—but some, she didn’t. Your fingers brush against the photo of you and Eun when you were younger. It had been one of the fondest memories you had ever since you remembered it; you and Eun meeting for the first time, in your kindergarten uniforms. Of course the louder one of you had the bigger smile on her face. _Eun always had the biggest smile on her face._

“You look so much better when you smile, (y/n).” Your mother says as she takes your hand in hers.

She strokes your hand with her thumb affectionately, and she tears up when you look at her. She brushes a stray hair behind your ear, and cradles your face in her palm. Your mother was warm, and she felt like home.

“I’m so sorry I never knew, darling…” Your mother voice shakes as she caresses your face gently.

You feel her hand tremble at the same time, and it breaks your heart to see your mother look like she had lost the world. _And perhaps she did._ Perhaps she lost the world during the moment you attempted to end your own life. It still wasn’t clear to you, and there were still questions no one had answered, but you were hoping that when they are, things would be clearer.

“You are my whole world, (y/n), and I wish you would stop carrying all that burden on your shoulders. You’re all we have left here, darling.” Your mother had been sobbing by then, and you held her hand to help ease her sadness.

It hurt to see her like that, and to think that _you_ were the reason behind that much pain. Your own eyes watered as well, and soon the tears fell. It felt better to have that warmth in your life again, but somewhere in between all that, it still felt very cold deep inside you.

***

After days of not being able to visit, Kotaro and Tetsurou were finally back at the hospital to see you. Now that you were stable, and your therapist had made sure that you wouldn’t have any more attempts, you were finally discharged. Your father had been there too, and for the first time in a long time, he had a talk with you.

“(y/n), how are you feeling?” He asks, and you look at him.

“Still a little confused, but better than being in a coma, dad.” You managed to joke, and he gives you a slight nod.

He sits beside you on the hospital bed, as he looks outside the window. It had been a gloomy afternoon, and surely, it would rain in the evening again. It was silent for a moment, until he decided to speak again.

“I hope you know that I am always here for you.”

That surprised you. Your father wasn’t the most affectionate man, and he had always been so strict, but hearing him say that made you feel very warm inside.

“As your father, it is my job to protect you and your mother. Your siblings have their own lives now, and you are the only one we have left.” He says, and you note the slight quaver in his voice.

You felt your eyes water again. It seemed like, those days, you had been crying almost every day. If it wasn’t because of you being frustrated from losing your memories, it would be because of happiness. You sometimes questioned yourself if you should be happy with your situation, but you told yourself it was always better than being dead somewhere.

Your father looks at you, the color of your eyes very similar to his. Ever since you were young, your eyes had always resembled that of your father. Most of your relatives would say that you were so much like him, but so much like your mother as well—the child that brought balance to their lives, they would say.

“Whatever is bothering you, I hope you know that you can trust me enough to tell me about it. I may have been very neglectful when you were younger, and for that I’m very sorry,” his voice cracks, and he clears his throat, but you can see his eyes are filled with tears. “I never knew what kind of burdens you carry, but your mother and I are always here for you.”

You felt yourself smile at his statement, and your tears fell again. He opens his arms for you, and you immediately embrace him, relishing in the warmth of your father. And you cried—for the first time ever since you were young, you cried in your father’s arms as he rubbed your back gently to comfort you. You soon pulled away and smiled at your father as he wiped your tears away.

“You’re always going to be our youngest, and we’ll do what we can to help you remember.” He says as he smiles slightly, and you nod your head.

There was a knock on the door, and your turn around to see Kotaro and Tetsurou standing by the door. It looked like they were from university. Kotaro had the biggest smile on his face when he approaches you, and Tetsurou had a lazy smile on his face.

“Ah, great. You two are here. I’ll go settle the bill now, keep (y/n) company for a while.” Your father stands up, and gives you a soft pat on the shoulder before he leaves the room.

You were left alone with Tetsurou and Kotaro.

“The weather isn’t going to be very good again, I’m sure you wanted to see the sunset already.” Tetsurou says as he places his things on the couch at the end of the room.

“I think the rain is alright, too. I’ll take what I can.” You respond with a smile.

Kotaro sits beside you, and you see how restless he was in his eyes.

“Are you alright, Ko?” You ask.

“I just… I just really want to hug you already, but I know I should be gentle. I don’t want to hurt you.” Kotaro responds, keeping his hands to himself.

You smile softly at him, as you gently placed your hands on top of his. He looked surprised as you held his hand, and you lift your hand to touch his cheek.

“You could _never_ hurt me, Ko.”

_Oh, if you only knew who was the reason behind the pain you felt._

Kotaro leans in your touch, his eyes never leaving yours, and the restlessness in them suddenly fading away as he calmed down. You feel the bed dip behind you, and strong arms wrap around your waist. Tetsurou’s hair tickles your face as you turn around to look at him.

“You look beautiful when you’re awake.” He whispers in your ear, and you laugh softly.

“Did you also say that when I was sleeping?” You ask jokingly.

“I say it every day.” Tetsurou places a kiss at the back of your neck.

There was a short moment of silence.

“Thank you.”

They were quiet and they both looked at you.

“I… I don’t think I would have made it, if it weren’t for the two of you.”

_You wouldn’t have been there if it weren’t for them._

“I’m just thankful you were there when I lost myself. I don’t know how I can ever repay the two of you.”

Kotaro holds your hand as he leans closer to your touch, while Tetsurou nuzzles his face on your neck, placing kisses on the soft skin.

_“Just love us.”_ Was all they said in unison.

You smile and you nod.

“ _I love you both.”_

You were sure it was supposed to feel right when you said that, but the words carried so much weight, deep down it felt terrifying. But you brushed it off, because you were happy at that moment. _You really thought you were._

***

It was a surprise to you when your father has agreed to your mother’s idea of letting you stay in the same place as Tetsurou and Kotaro—well, not in their apartment, but to get a unit near theirs. Your parents had been very grateful towards both of your friends—no— _boyfriends,_ now. They didn’t even say they were against the three of you dating, seeing as it made you very happy. With the help of Kotaro’s therapist, you had been getting treatment for both your amnesia and your depression. Questions about Eun were still left unanswered, but you understood that perhaps they were really just taking it slow with you.

You started going to school again, and you were very much behind from all your classmates. Missing half of that school year, so you had to resume again. It was hard, trying to start over after the _incident_ , but you were trying your best to get better and better every day. You met Kotaro and Tetsurou’s friends too, when you had a little recovery party—even though the doctor had been clearly against it, the two thought it would be okay to have a few of your friends over. They were all very kind, and didn’t bombard you with a lot of questions.

Hinata Shoyo was the tangerine haired middle blocker who had been the kindest to you. Even in your house, he wouldn’t let you move—by that, he helped Tetsurou and Kotaro with serving the drinks and the food while you sat there and spoke to Yaku. It was a great night, but it seemed you didn’t meet all of them. One of their friends, Oikawa Tooru, wasn’t able to make it. The setter had already processed his papers for his transfer, he was moving to Argentina to play, and it seemed that Shoyo was going with him as well.

That was a good night, and you spent the rest of it talking to Tetsurou and Kotaro, forgetting that the three of you had classes the next day.

“You know the doctor told you to get enough sleep, right?” Tetsurou says as he settles beside you on the couch.

“I don’t think I can sleep after talking to Hinata. He’s so… _bright._ ” You respond as you laid your head gently on his shoulder.

“Incoming!!!” Kotaro yells as he _bounces_ on the couch.

Your eyes were wide with surprise when you and Tetsurou also bounce from that impact. You look at Kotaro who laid his head on your lap as his golden eyes look at you with so much affection.

“Ko! You could’ve broken my couch!” You say as you smack his shoulder playfully.

“Sorry! Sorry! I’ll get you another one if I break this.” Kotaro responds as he grins at you, his large hands caressing your face.

You playfully frown at him before shaking your head.

“Or, we could break this couch now. You know, give it a little blessing.” Tetsurou teases as he inches closer to your ear, and you whip around before giving him the finger.

“Ew.”

He just laughs, that usual laugh that made him sound like a hyena. _You wondered why you loved this man, and the other one who laid his head on your lap as he stared at you with so much love._

“You both are weird.” You say as you pat them, Kotaro sits up and you stand up before stretching your arms. “I’m going to go ahead and sleep. You boys can leave any time, just lock the door when you leave, okay?”

You kiss them both good night, and walk to the direction of your bedroom.

“We love you!” Kotaro says as you turn the corner.

Your head peeked out and you give them both a wide smile.

“I love you too.” And you disappeared again, closing the door behind you.

Kotaro and Tetsurou sat there in silence, staring at the space of your living room. It had been a while since they sat without having to think about anything else. Tetsurou’s hand find Kotaro’s, and their fingers intertwine.

_“We did it, Ko.”_

_“Yeah. We did.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand here we are with the final chapter! this was such a fun ride, i had enjoyed writing this so much. thank you so much for reading the story, and yes, i know this isn't exactly the ending (some of) you must have expected. i'm putting up an epilogue as well, and maaaaybe if i get enough guts, i'll post the alternate ending.
> 
> thank you so much for coming this far! keep safe everyone! let me know what your thoughts are in the comments! :>
> 
> (800 reads??? oh my gosh!! thank you so much!!)


	15. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything was alright with the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this took so long to update, uni is busy, but i finally managed to finish editing this. thank you very much!!

Winter was never your favorite season, there was just something so cold and unrelenting with the way the snow presented itself. Tetsurou and Kotaro knew this, so when winter time came, the two were usually at home keeping you company. It had been 3 years since the _incident_ during that one winter evening that caused you to lose all your memories from before the onset of your amnesia. Tetsurou and Kotaro were very patient with you, helping you remember things slowly. You would still get nightmares of that night, but they came in different glimpses. **_Sometimes you’d feel like your head was slammed against the concrete, other times it would be falling from the second floor of an unfamiliar house_** , but they all felt _too real_. When those nightmares came, Kotaro and Tetsurou would be by your side, and if they weren’t they’d be the first you’d call.

When you were alone, you spent time trying to remember little things, but if ever you did successfully remember anything without having your head hurt—they wouldn’t be familiar at all. Some of your memories came back in your dreams, and sometimes you aren’t even able to distinguish whether they were real or not. Recovery was something that would have been harder if Kotaro and Tetsurou weren’t there to help you, and you were eternally grateful for them.

Now, you were cuddled up in the comfort of your bed, watching some Christmas movies to set the mood for the upcoming holidays. You were still in school, your final year as a Forensic Psychology student, while Kotaro was already a professional volleyball player for the MSBY Black Jackals, and Tetsurou was working in the Japan Volleyball Association Sports Promotion Division. The two were very successful, and you couldn’t be prouder of them. You glanced at your ring finger, seeing the diamond studded engagement ring your two lovers had so thoughtfully picked out for you. _It fit you so perfectly._

You remembered when they proposed to you. It was during the game of MSBY against Adlers. All your friends and families were there to see the two of them propose to you, Tetsurou with a big red velvet box, and Kotaro with a similar box which was smaller. They both went on their knees, and suddenly the cameras were flashing at the three of you. Close friends and family were witness to how you said yes to both their engagement ring and necklace. _Everything was perfect._

The door opens and the two of them enter the room looking tired.

“Hi.” You greeted both of them as they entered.

“Mm~ our angel is waiting to recharge us.” Tetsurou says as he walks to you, about to sit on the bed when you give him a look. Tetsurou know what that meant. “Baby, I’m tired.”

“Yeah, but you came from outside. You have to shower first.” You ignored his whiny tone.

“Ko’s literally passed out beside you.”

You turned to look at Kotaro who was already getting comfortable in bed, ready to grab your waist to snuggle closer to your warm. He smelled of sweat and his familiar musky scent— _you loved it._

“Kotaro! You can’t just sleep on the bed! You’re sweaty!” You say as you playfully smack him.

The frosted tipped male groans. “I was excited to get in bed with our baby.”

You roll your eyes as you take his arms off your waist.

“You can get in bed when you both have showered. Now go.”

Knowing that it was no use to argue with you, the two proceeded to the bathroom, not even bothering to let the other one go first. You smiled at their silliness as you shook your head, before turning your attention back to the movie. Your memories didn’t come back as much as you had wanted it to, but Kotaro and Tetsurou helped you remember. You met both of them in college, you even met their friends and they attested to how kind you were, and how in love the two were with you. Your heart clenched whenever they’d remind you of how they confessed; _at a diner just some days before the accident and you had accepted._

Your family also knew about the two of them, and they even said how the two were there for you when you were mourning Eun’s loss. When you found out that she didn’t make it, you had cried for days, and refused to eat until Kotaro practically begged you to. You weren’t even able to go to her funeral as you were in a coma for almost half of that year. The two never went into the grueling details of where she was found or what had happened to her, but they made sure you were able to visit her when you were ready.

Everyone around you attested to how kind and loving Tetsurou and Kotaro were with you. They were gentle and took things slow, helping you with your recovery. You were lost in thought and you didn’t even realize that they were back from their shower. Kotaro wraps his arms around your waist as he settles at his side of the bed, while Tetsurou sits beside you and wraps an arm around your shoulder. The warmth radiating from their bodies and you loved how they both made you feel safe.

_“You two just make me feel safe, well, as safe as safe can be.”_

You would remember that line, over and over again. It was something you saw in your dreams, where Kotaro and Tetsurou had been with you during that rainy day.

“I love you.” You said as you closed your eyes, and they both know you were saying it to both of them.

“We love you more, baby.” Tetsurou presses a kiss on the crown of your head.

“Nah, we love you most, doll.” Kotaro kisses your knuckles.

It was peaceful, to be with them. It had always been like that in their presence. And you spent that night eating dinner in bed, cuddling afterwards, and sharing stories of how your days went. Then their hands would travel elsewhere, making sure that your body would be warm enough for that night. It would be blissful. You’d reach the heavens with the way your body would arch at their touch. You’d get goosebumps when Kotaro would bite at the side of your waist, _dangerously—as if he was going to take a bite out of you._ You’d cry when Tetsurou would push you to your limits, toe curling and eyes rolling to the back of your head as you’d say his name like a mantra— _like a prayer for you to be saved._

And then you’d lay all cuddled up with the comforter over you. Tetsurou’s arm under your neck and the other draped over your chest, while Kotaro’s arms would be wrapped around your waist—both so tightly. _As if the two of them were afraid of letting you go._

In the middle of those nights, you would wake up and stare at the ceiling. There was something unsettling about those nights, and you would try to take Tetsurou and Kotaro’s arms off of you, thinking that those very arms could have lead you to your demise— _but it hurt you to even think of them that way_.

You thought that everything was alright in the world. That you were safe with the men you _loved_. But some part of you knew something wasn’t right, that this was a cycle of something that couldn’t be broken no matter what you did. They were everywhere, and though you were grateful, something inside you was screaming that _this was wrong._ But you were in their clutches now, and whether you remember or not, Kotaro and Tetsurou themselves knew the moment they saw you _, that they have started something, they will never end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading SISBWNE! I hope you liked it :((( i might just put up the alternate ending if i get the guts (and i hope i do) thank you so much for all the reads and the kudos and the comments!!! 900+ hits and 60+ kudos :((( and everyone who commented, you guys helped a lot with the writing!! wouldn't have finished it without you!
> 
> I'm currently making a backstory for Akaashi and Bokuto, and what lead to the events that caused Bo to lose his mind. I'll be putting it up here too, so I hope you'll support it as well!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading everyone! Till next time!


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